Friday, 1 April 2011

News, Views and Music Issue 974 (From The Future)

(Please note that we can sadly only include our many pictures at the start of the article, not the points where these pictures should be. We've added some captions to make viewing them easier although its still not quite right - you can view the full article with the photos where they should be at our other site www.alansalbumarchives.moonfruit.com if you prefer!)(Please see caption #1)
NEWS, VIEWS AND MUSIC*****************UNDERGROUND ISSUE****************FOR SALE ONLY TO COALITION REBELS!!!!!!************No 974*********April 1st 2026*****************

PART OF THE ART MOVEMENT KEEPING THE EARTH ALIVE!!!!!!!!! (Franchise no 0000000000007)

KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE WITH MUSIC FROM THE 1960S THROUGH TO THE 2020S!!!!

Twinned with the Zigorous Three ‘Protect Earth’ Intervention Rally supporting earthlings and their art  – apply now for you free membership badge, pair of third ears, t-shirt  (please state 2, 3 or 4 armed species) and your own personalised marglespingt electrophon for translating music from other planets (‘BT and ET Communications Technology Working Together At Last’)

The Earth’s favourite monkeynuts music newsletter

Also available in ‘Hellopshere’, ‘Zigorosian’ and ‘Kllingon
 
The Earth’s favourite monkeynuts music newsletter

Also available in ‘Hellopshere’, ‘Zigorosian’ and ‘Kllingon


TIME-TRAVEL EXPERIMENT EDITION IN 2D–KEPT THIS ISSUE SAFE

ALL THESE YEARS?! ENTER THE COMPETITION NOW TO WIN A QUARG!

What's happening in the world of music on Earth and beyond

Why the coalition just had to give way to public pressure from all known planets

CSNY: The Freedom Of Speech Across The Galaxy Tour

The Spice Girls - Are They Really The Five Horsemen Of The Apocalypse?

Special audio interview with the new line-up of Jefferson Flying Saucer!

Your freebie CD 'Pete Townshend sings Bach'!

AND MORE, IN THIS SPECIAL ISSUE CELEBRATING THE SAVING OF THE EARTH BY ZIGOROUS THREE – MORE ON THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT INSIDE, PLUS THE INSIDE STORY ON HOW ALAN’S ALBUM ARCHIVES HELPED SHOW THE EARTH IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT TO MRASIANARTS FORCES.....

Plus, the latest news from Earth and from our Zigorous 3 Columnist, Reviews of the latest Beatles archive sets, CSNY live recordings, the Dire Straits reunion MP4 and The Rolling Stones’ latest farewell tour Plus a special Top Five with the biographies of the five beings who made the Earth’s salvation possible

All this inside your new look ‘Zigorous 3 priced’ newsletter...................................................................

Austounders News : Was it only four years ago we first heard this multi-racial, multi-species group sing ‘Give Me My Bone’ for the first time?! News just in is that this ever-popular group have just released their first live album (‘Live In The Spare-Room’) to great acclaim, featuring versions of all their hits such as the quirky ‘Monster Eating Moose’, the evergreen ballad ‘Shoe Cupboard’, the pop duet ‘Guess Where We’re Going’, the downright odd ‘Dungarees Are Dangerous’ and the standard ‘Dolly’s Lament’. Read our new interview with the band – including exclusive pics of Dog’s new third arm – next issue!

Beach Boys News: The band’s new single ‘Califyhabridist Ghouls’ – a tribute to a town on the West Coast of Ursa Major on the planet Kesopedra – has just been released (see if you can guess which Beach Boys classic it’s based on!) Admittedly, it took 17 weeks and an awful lot of translation hiccups to explain to the Kepsies what ‘surfing’ was, seeing as there is no actual water on the planet, but everything was sorted out by the end. The band are currently working on their follow-up single ‘Good Vibrations (because Belobrat live near a black hole where gravity is 100 times heavier than on Earth)’.

Beatles News: It’s been 19 years since we started this site and the Beatles have only missed out on appearing in our news column once! This time around it’s the news that the new Beatles outtakes set ‘Long Agos and Yesterdays in Pepperland’ – reviewed below – should be out in the shops on Earth, Hellopshere and Zigorous 3 by the time you read this. Outtakes included are the long lost ‘Carnival Of Light’, a 7-minute version of ‘She’s A Woman’ with an extended finale, the backing tape to ‘Help!’, the brief ‘Aerial Tour Instrumental’ from the Magical Mystery Tour special, a stunning alternate take of ‘I Want You’ (She’s So Heavy)’ with Paul on lead and a complete set of the Decca Audition Tapes, Hollywood Bowl concerts and Christmas Fanclub Discs.  Yes, even this many years on there’s still plenty of releasable stuff in the vaults, with many of these tracks superior to the Anthology sets. In other news, the Beatles’ old label Apple was to have been re-christened Adams Apple until the merger with the clothes giant Adams fell through. Abbey Road, however, has now been bought by the Abbey National, the only bank in Britain not brought down by the recession riots of 2012. 

Belle and Sebastian News: The first band from earth to mix musicians from different planets (I swear there was even a clandusprod on drums during an appearance on the Belobrat version of ‘Top Of The Pops’ last Autumn) is at it again, with their latest re-recording/translation ‘Fold Your Claws, Child, You Walk Like A Clandusprod’ doing well in the intergalactic charts.

The Clandusprods News:Our favourite retro aliens from the planet Makkroid are at it again with their political activist songs. Their latest single ‘The Queen Is Really A Doosbury Giant’ is already rocketing up the charts, backed by the backward-looking ‘Tony Blair and the Care Blairs’.

Ewok Ninjas News: Our very own AAA-sponsored band from the planet Belobrat continues to go from strength to strength now they don’t have to hide from the Coalition anymore. This three-headed band really know go to great lengths to reproduce classic sixties psychedelia on their new re-interpretation of The Monkees’ ‘Zor and Zam’ with a modern twist in the lyrics when King William and Queen Middleton challenge Charles III to a duel – only to find that none of their soldiers turn up to fight! (‘They gave a war – and nobody came!!!’)

Jefferson Flying Saucer News: The Jefferson Bicycle never really took off, but the fourth generation of Jefferson Airplane is really causing quite a stir both on Earth and beyond. Old members Paul Kantner, Marty Balin and Grace Slick have been joined by younger members from across the galaxy and have been busy recording their second follow-up to classic album ‘Blows Against The Empire’ in celebration of the fallen coalition!

The Monkees News: The AAA are in talks to sponsor the long-awaited third season of The Monkees’ TV show, which will see such episodes as Peter Tork being zapped by aliens from space, Micky being kidnapped by alien scientists, Davy Jones falling in love with Kate Middleton and startying an international incident  and Coalition forces trying to track down missing data in Mike Nesmith’s new trademark baseball cap. The band are currently recording a new look theme tune to celebrate the new deal: ‘AAA with The Monkees...’

Oasis/Beady Eye News: The new Liam Gallagher tribute act ‘942 Beady Eyes’ has just released their new album ‘Different Spaceship, Still Haven’t Passed My Driving Test Yet’ in honour of the band’s classic debut album. Noel Gallagher, meanwhile, has just completed a very promising new album made with the regenerated George Harrison – a re-recording of the Beatle’s ‘Wonderwall Music’ solo album with a title theme of – you guessed it – Oasis’ ‘Wonderwall’.

Pink Floyd News: New re-mastered album ‘Flying Saucers Full Of Secrets’ is due in the shops any time now, alongside the special live version of Dark Side Of The Moon (recorded on the dark side of the moon!)

Rolling Stones News: The band’s latest ‘farewell’ tour just moves on and on, taking in 132 countries, 47 continents and seven separate planets. Keith Richards’ latest accident – being partly eaten by a coconut tree on the planet Ferterbulis – hasn’t slowed the Stones down at all. Their latest album ‘We Were Around At The Time Of The Big Bang’ is also going down a storm on the planet Hellopshere, where most of the immortal inhabitants remember it too.

Cat Stevens News: The artist formerly known as Yusuf and now as Belobrat III was one of the first to speak out against the Coalition Government and was exiled to Belobrat for his troubles. His third musical career –started last year with a revival of the song ‘I love my Clandusprod’ -continues to go from strength to strength with a re-recording of ‘Cameron and Son’, a harrowing song about the Coalition’s 13 hour work-days.

The Who News: Remember when Pete Townshend kept appearing on all those programmes celebrating the Baroque period in 2010? Well, it certainly caught us by surprise! Now some 16 years later Pete has made the logical extension of all that interest: a whole CD of Who favourites re-cast in the style of Bach! As you can hear on this week’s freebie CD (not available in 2011 alas for copyright reasons – namely that Pete hasn’t made it yet!) ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ and ‘Bach O’Riley’ sound especially good with their swirly introductions played on harpsichord instead of synthesiser.

Neil’s just released his 100th solo LP! ‘Chrome Dreams III’ is a compilation of previously unissued material and finally mops up all the best and still unreleased Young songs from the past six decades, including songs from the first version of ‘Tonight’s The Night’ (complete with drunken talking!), the original ‘Chrome Dreams’ in 1976, the hard-to-find ‘Elorado’ EP of 1988, the censored anti-Coalition album ‘Campaigner Cameron’and various other songs such as ‘God’s Perfect Plan’ ‘Interstate’ ‘Grey Riders’ ‘I Know’ ‘Once I Was In Love’ ‘Traces’ and even the legendary CSNY song ‘Pushed It Over The End’. Fantastic!

Earth Vs Zigorous 3 All-Stars: This new charity CD features a whole cast of characters from the Earth and Zigorous 3 joining in on some of the classics of both planets including The Beatles’ ‘Yesterday’, songs from the Moody Blues album ‘The Present’ (a surprising hit on Zigorous 3) and the Zappalonian song ‘Future’. The album also features the charities’ first single which did so much to raise funds for rebellion forces: ‘We are all one galaxy and we’re only eight million light years apart’.

(Caption #2)
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EARTH SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear reader, I can barely believe that it’s here but, after fifteen years of hard struggle, the Coalition Government has been deposed! Yes that’s right, High-President Lord Cameron – left in charge of the cabinet after the surprise death of Nick Clegg with a pickaxe in the back of the head last year – has finally handed over power to the Mrasianarts forces who came to take over power last Tuesday/Quargwaharg 19z after weeks of speculation. At last, we at the AAA no longer need to hide, switching our domain addresses every few weeks via hidden messages and having our sites mysteriously closed down – our work is here for good and to celebrate every single back issue is being made widely available in English, Zigorosian, Belobrat-Arkwid, Mollox and American. 

This move to dispel Cameron’s troops will now presumably see the end of the threat to Earth posed by the Mrasianarts Special Forces who had the planet down on their list of dangerous and warring planets. The Earth was, of course, scheduled for destruction as long ago as 2014 until a visiting ambassador from Hellopshere came across our website, downloaded some 1960s psychedelia and realised that mankind weren’t necessarily the warlike destructive creatures outlined in the Spectral Galaxy Quadrant Laws (despite all other evidence to the contrary).

Well, ever since then it’s been a right tug-of-war between the other planets as to whether mankind is a ‘high’ being or a ‘low’ being (it’s caused quite a controversy actually, seeing as no other planet has ever been such a mixture of both before) and the pressure on the tyrannic Coalition forces to stand down and stop waging wars on the other side of the planet and out into space has been immense.

Despite the pressure of Nick Clegg to have a ‘referendum’ Earth-wide on whether to go to war with Zigorat Forces or not, Lord High Cameron managed to dodge the question by saying that the Earth ‘needed to save money’, that a recession meant ‘wars were necessary’ and that students would now have to pay ‘£82 million’ to be allowed out of school. That was when Clegg mysteriously disappeared, only for his remains to be discovered in the Antarctic last year – leaving Cameron free to push through the laws that made him first Head of State in Europe and then the Western World (President Obama, due at one point for execution for ‘crimes to American Health Care’ in a fiendish Coalition plot, managed to escape as

an envoy to Tallorat Hosphar. Word is he may yet take up the Lord High President’s job after impressing the Mrasianarts with his health care plans on their planet or he might possibly abolish the role entirely and go back to having a ruler for each country on Earth).

Those of us crippled by debt and unable to take up the offer of safe passage to Hellopshere were left compromised by the many demands of the Coalition state (logo: ‘There’s always an ‘I’ at the heart of every coalition’) which became more and more totalitarian with each passing law. First there were the ‘interventions’ in Libya and Egypt, the reduction in money given to councils so the Coalition could raise their defence budget, then there were the increases in CCTV cameras and curfews and finally the enforced 13-hour workdays, patrolled by Government staff and the law that from 2015 it would be illegal for an Earth citizen to be poorly, on pain of a jail sentence.

Sites like ours were closed down, all music manufacturing plants abandoned and every single I-pod had to, by law, include the Special Coalition Song (‘Wannabe’ by The Spice Girls) a total not less than 32 times. All the sensible artists who had already made enough money paid the mammoth migration fees and left for other planets, leaving sites like this the one the only reminder for citizens of Earth that there had once been a thriving art culture. Even the revelation that the recession was a hoax, that Europe had actually been in more debt during the 10 years after World War Two and that Lord High Cameron and the Conservativealition had deliberately manipulated the media with bribes did nothing to ease the grip he had over us.

The resulting territory wars with France, Germany, Azerbajan, Amorica Antarctica and the Falklands confused many until it was leaked in the press that the Coalition war leader had been ordered to attack anyone he fancied and accidentally had his map upside down. Luckily for us the resulting chaos alerted the passing Mrasianarts Special Forces travelling to Earth. They were on a mission to look out for our planet after a passing 9 billion foot Zigorous 3 cruise liner crashed into the ‘Voyager’ module after mistaking it for a space dinghy, but had gone past Earth on their way to Alpha Centauri after deciding the planet’s size and importance in the galaxy were ‘too insignificant for life’.

Earth was given a warning by NATO (The North Arbitarian Territories Organisation). Then a second warning. Then a third warning. Then a fourth warning. Then they ummed and aahed for a bit and sent a fifth warning. Finally Cameron replied. His answer – that wars were a vital part of growing his side of the world’s economy and that citizens actually enjoyed a 13-hour workshift for £3 a day – were ruled ‘ridiculous’ by the Mrasianarts council.

War-ships were sent in preparation, a law debate on mankind’s destruction began in the outer galaxy court-rooms and Earth looked doomed – until the day when the Hellospherian Dr Proghosis came across our site. After collecting evidence – and a huge rebellion against Cameron’s special forces – it was announced last Thursday/Gallopian z12 that the Earth would be allowed to survive.

Thankfully it has also been ruled that Earthlings will be allowed to keep the ‘immortal’ technology delivered by Clandusprods under the terms of their intergalactic trade (there have been many complaints about the uncomfortableness of the technology but, hey, you get to live forever and build up really large record collections so that sounds just fine to us!) So at last mankind’s future looks safe and assured – let’s bring on the next century of newsing, viewsing and record collecting at Alan’s Album Archives!
(Caption #3)
As a special treat and to celebrate mankind’s new-found freedom we’ve decided to diversify from our usual music column to bring you Mike Fitzpatrick’s moving rebellion speech in full, brought to you for the first time anywhere by our special Zigorosian correspondant: 
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“Remember that day? When the Mrasianarts, the policemen of the solar system found our space module and came to check us out. That when they saw what our species had done to our planet, what we were doing to our least fortunate inhabitants, all the wars being fought, all the back-stabbing, all the money-grabbing,  all the greed, they wanted to destroy us. They’d seen our like before, they said, that once we started perfecting inter-stellar travel the universe wouldn’t be safe. And then something magical happened. One of the delegates from Zigorous Three investigating Earth discovered our music hidden away on an underground site called ‘Alan’s Album Archives’. Then another found our paintings, where they’d been hidden for safe keeping. Another found our sculptures, yet another our film library. And they were forced to accept that our race is capable of tremendous beauty as well as hatred. And that confused them, because every other race had been one or the other, destroyers or creators, they had never been one or the other before. Mankind still lives under this shadow and, far from slowing down, his cruelties get wider and nastier every passing year since the discovery was made. But now our art flows as never before, with so many worlds to explore and so many new ideas to express. We can offer something, you and I. Don’t let it be in vain. And don’t let your time on this planet be for nothing! Mankind deserves to life. Even those who have shown cruelty deserve mercy, because that’s how we have been
programmed to be all these years. But forget your disgraced leaders, who brought you into difficulties, who ran your wells dry, who made it forsaken to show any sympathy with another culture, to breed hate against what was different from you. All life-forms need to grow, to mix with others, to spread their wings as far out into the galaxy as they can reach. Some life-forms find this easier than others, but all do so in the end. Of all the known intelligent species only man has yet to embrace his differences and celebrate his similarities. It is time for mankind to grow up, to look into his oppressors’ face and say ‘I am not afraid because I am right to fight those who would imprison another man’s thoughts’ and reach forth into the future that is his by right. Man has his duty, not to obey or to survive, but to make the world a better place for those he shares the planet with. The time for making that world a better place is now. Brothers, we can be free, we shall be free and we will be free – whether in success or death I don’t know, but we will be free.”   

Had an accident at work? Call Aliens-R-Us on 4-22200-6600 now for a free quote!

“Why Alan’s Album Archives Means So Much To Me And To The Saving Of Mankind” by Zigorous 3 columnist Dr Proghosis:

The internet, of course, is a big global phenomenon across the entire Western Spiral Galaxy.  Different species use it for different things: some, like the Belobrats, use it as somewhere to store the many statistics needed to live on that planet, others like the Mrasianarts use it to keep law and order and others, like the Belo-zufusians, use it as a social networking tool. All of these uses are valid – and come in very handy when a planet begins its long slow voyage towards making interstellar contact – but until now we Zigorosians thought we were the only species to use it to re-print and discuss art. The Universe-wide-web is one of my favourite topics when I come to analyze a ‘new’ planet (to us, anyway) as it’s use tells me a great deal about the work of each species I meet, far more than meeting them faces-to-faces so to speak.  Till I came to Earth on my fact-finding mission I was under the impression that all Earthlings were thugs and brats, blowing up each other for a hobby and inflicting misery and suffering for no good reason except that they could. So I expected their use of the internet to reflect that hobby too. Certainly there were sites that dealt with this ‘death-wish’ as we call it on my planet – list of guns for sale, ways to kill, that sort of thing. But Earth had such a wide-range of uses for their internet it took me by surprise and made me think that perhaps there was more to this species than met the 19 eyes. The biggest surprise, of course, was the sheer amount of websites dedicated to the arts: for all this time, for all these many Quarls, I thought we were alone in making art a staple of life. The first site I came across was your earth’s leading discussion of 1960s and 70s music (or Qurtlahar 14-29 for the benefit of my own species that hasn’t quite understood the Earth’s timeline yet) Alan’s Album Archives. The graphics were often shoddy, the opinions opinionated and the jokes about Spice Girls confusing (I honestly thought their DNA was made out of spice with a name like that, like the inhabitants of the planet Galhoozar) but I saw the love and passion and the sheer amount of space devoted to ‘bigger’ ideals that Zigorosians generally see as their concern that I became intrigued. I looked out some of the music reviewed on the site and – after having to get used to the idea of ‘stereo’, not easy for a species with three ears - I was overwhelmed to find out that it was every bit as good as the site had told me, maybe even superior. Excited I emailed (I think that’s the term, I’m still getting used to Earth phrases) the site and had long meaningful discussions about life on earth, how not every species under Lord High Cameron’s rule wanted war, how the powers that be took no interest in public demonstrations whatsoever and the idea that the being known as Mikel Jocksap, the Pince of Dop on our world might well be the earth singer and Prince of Pop Michael Jackson after extensive surgery, an alien encounter and a 30-year-long hoax. After checking out a few other like-minded sites I filed off my report to the authorities with the knowledge that Mankind was a far more complex species than the media speculation on my home planet had led me to believe. So just think – if it wasn’t for Alan’s Album Archives all of you reading this in 2026 would be dead. Isn’t that nice?

(Caption #4)
CELEBRATE THE DAWN OF A BRAVE NEW ERA BY TUNING INTO THE DEBUT BROADCAST OF ALAN’S ALBUM ARCHIVES FM – ALL YOUR FAVOURITES FROM THE 60S, 70S, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s and 20s – AND NO SPICE GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANNIVERSARIES: Many happy returns of the orbiting moons around your ancestral homes to the following AAA friends and foes celebrating being another year older this week: Ronnie Lane (bassist with the Small faces 1965-68) born April 1st 1946;  Karen the Clandusprod (the Clandsprods, born in the 87th time of qaural) and Spencer Dryden (drummer with Jefferson Airplane 1967-70) born April 7th 1938. Anniversaries of events this week: April 4th 1964 saw the Beatles fill the first five places in the American top 100 – still a record, 61 years on!; April 6th  2020 saw the first concert by the Ewok Ninjas, the same day in 2022 saw the first gold disc by the Austounders, rhythm washboard player Quizzar Rosenden joins The Clandusprods in 2016  and finally the same day again sees the key departures of no less than 3 AAA luminaries:  Syd Barrett leaves Pink Floyd in 1968, Pete Quaife leaves The Kinks in 1969 and Indizzistrick Garstang leaves The Ewok Ninjas in 2020 (Earth Dating).

(Caption #5)


The Beatles

“Long Agos and Yesterdays in Pepperland”

(out now on Extra-Terrestrial Music Industries)

The latest MP4 by the Beatles’ old record label (bought up by the Zigorosian 3 Arts Council last year) finally mops together every last releasable artefact from The Fab Four’s time at the top of the tree and came about after requests from species across the galaxy to hear more of this group’s sounds (why, the Belobrats have taken to The Beatles so well they even sport moptop haircuts on that planet this season!) Why some of these releases haven’t come out before is beyond me – Carnival of Light is a pulsating collection of avent garde –fuelled chaos, the alternate ‘I Want You (She’s So Heavy)’ with Paul rather than John on lead is a revelation, the unreleased Lennon ballad ‘Oh, I Need You’ might well be his best love song of all for Yoko, the seven-minute outtake of ‘She’s A Woman’ with a poorly George left back at the hotel room in Paris knocks spots off the finished version, the backing of ‘Help!’ makes it sound like an entirely different song and the long-lost mellotron backing for ‘Magical Mystery Tour’ is scrumptious, if brief. The Decca audition tapes, partly released on Anthology way back in 1996, make a lot more sense when heard in bulk and re-instate Pete Best as an impressive drummer (well, more impressive than Ringo anyway!) Also, the newly mixed ‘Hollywood Bowl’ tapes – uncut at last, with full performances from 1964 and 1965 rather than the hybrid version released in 1977 – sound better than ever, with 3d audio imaging on loan from Zigorus 3 allowing the listener to move across the theatre and swap seats. Best of all, the Fanclub Christmas discs – discussed on Alan’s Album Archives as long ago as xmas 2010 – are out at last, containing all the wit, irrevelence, great music and off-the-wall humour you’d expect from a band with this reputation. These are all off-cuts, sure, extras to be enjoyed alongside the recently remixed in tririo ‘Albums’ box set rather than in their own right, but they’re off-cuts by one of the galaxy’s greatest ever musical talents. Considering that the Spice Girls recently released every burp they’d ever made in a recording studio on an MP4, this bunch of outtakes is still an astonishingly must-have release for any species. The fact that none of these tracks came out on the band’s official outtakes set ‘Anthology’ project 30 years ago is nothing less than shocking! We keep being told every decade or so that the latest Beatles project is the ‘last’ – only for the remaining members of the band to agree to releasing more and more as every generation gets caught up in their story all over again. Watch it happen yet again with this release – and let’s hope for plenty more just like it!

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

“Freedom Of Speech Across The Galaxy – Live – Volume One”

(out now on Atlantic-Rhino)

It somehow made perfect sense that the first Earthling band to tour across the galaxy, playing to other planets, were the great pioneers of the 20th and 21st centuries CSN and Y. While most of their contemporaries were afraid to speak out against Coalition foreign war policies, the AAA’s favourite quartet simply got on with their job denouncing Cameron in the same way they denounced Nixon, Bush and the rogue King Charles III in the past. This live CD/DVD/FGEO-9 – recorded in stadiums on Belobrat, Zigorous 3, Hellopshere and the uninhabited Alpha Centauri (where ‘the acoustics are great!’) – mixes CSNY favourites old and new. Nash’s ‘Marrakesh Shuttle Express’ makes for a strong opener, whilst Young’s Ohio-Oddlespingt medley (about the atrocities committed by first Nixon and then William G Bush – George W’s nephew) brings the house down on planets such as Belobrat where the Bush family have passed into folklore as something to scare their children with. The CSNY classic ‘Wooden Spaceships’ follows next, complete with a coda about how the last survivors of a nuclear war were saved by a ship from Zigorous 3. Then Stills wraps up the first half with the classic ‘Love The Species You’re With’.  The whole multi-species crowd then leaps to their feet for a standing/flying ovation that is truly a landmark in Earth outerplanetary relationships. The second volume – Dewja Vu all over again - is due out soon. Look out too for some interesting extras on the disc featuring Neil talking about still recording at the age of 81, David talking about reforms to the Belobrat prison system, Graham discussing the mix of harmonies when different species sing together and Stephen discussing his new third arm.

Dire Straits

“Brothers With Three Arms”

(out now on ‘Don’t Look Down I’ve Got Vertigo’ Records)

Yes, the rumours are true! Due to a revival of interest in the band on the planet Hellopshere (where most of the species wear bandanas like Mark Knopfler’s circa the 1980s), Dire Straits are back together for the first time in 33 years. The bulk of this new album celebrates the feelings of humanity and brotherhood between Earth and other species since the fall of the Coalition and the recent ‘third arm’ conversion taken by many Earthlings to differentiate themselves from their war-mongering past. ‘Brothers with Three Arms’ finds Knopfler back on those ‘mist covered mountains’ of old, but this time looking back on old warzones with a happiness that mankind will never go back there again. Also, the new recording of ‘Walk Of Life’ features a cameo appearance by a tap-dancing clandusprod is the best in years and new single ‘Calling Elvis On The Afterlife Planet Karaffid’ is being heralded as ‘even better than the original!’ A lovely upbeat, varied work that doesn’t shy away from Earth’s horrendous past but looks towards the future with an optimism not heard for years, this is a fine and most welcome return to form.

The Rolling Stones

“Still Not Getting Satisfaction”

(out now on Hffspangannetgsh Records)

The Stones’ tour trundles on, with this 23rd live Stones album featuring the best of the performances taken from the band’s first intergalactic tour. Once you’ve got over the strange acoustics of the set (the Belobrat songs are, of course, played on a hollow planet surrounded by 20 foot cobwebs), the main interest for fans is the ability to hear Brian Jones’ android double play a wide range of alien instruments on songs from later in the Stones’ career such as ‘Wild Horses’ ‘Soul Survivor’ and ‘Middle Income Letdown’. To be honest, we’ve heard most of these songs played better live on any of the past dozen or so Stones live CDs from the past dozen or so tours, especially last year’s ‘Get Off My Cloud’ performed on a real cloud, but even if you know these songs well it’s easy to see why Mick Jagger was voted 45th on Zigorous 3’s ‘most charismatic humanoid’ poll – and why Keith Richard still tops ‘humanoid most likely to die’ polls.  Let’s hope Keith isn’t too badly damaged by the pineapple plant that tried to eat him this month so we can expect plenty more farewell tours in the future.

The Spice Girls

“Still Wannabees”

(out now on the disgraced ‘The Spice Is Right – support the Coalition’ label)
The Coalition’s ‘favourite band’ has enjoyed a staggering success during the past 35 years, but I wonder how much of that comes from their own talent and how much comes from endorsements, by first record label and then tyrannical Government. Big in the 1990s and the 2010s, the fearsome fivesome enjoyed their biggest successes yet when the Coalition Government upheld them as ‘examples of everything that’s right about our enterprising modern culture’. It was rumoured that they were even in the Bible as the ‘five horseman of the apocalypse’ signalling our doom, unhappiness and despair in this period of our lives waiting destruction from Mrasianarts forces (for centuries the horseman were thought to be ‘four’ but that’s now been revealed as a mis-print!)  How the band became so big when they still don’t write their own material or even (since 2020) sing on their own records is beyond me and must only be down to the sheer amount of effort the Coalition went into backing their brainwashing techniques. The girls (or should I say OAPs) are, of course, still loyal to their pay masters and feature several songs praising the Coalition that we’re unlikely to hear from anyone again, such as ‘Trust Him – Because He’s Your Leader’, ‘Rebellion is Unlawful’ and ‘We Should Always Support Those in Office’ (the old slogan ‘spice up your life with The Coalition’ crops up a few times across this record again too) The band continue their long line of kung-fu kicks against tramps on the front cover, something that dates right back to the first single ‘Wannabe’ – a particularly unfunny idea this time around when the poor tramp is clearly our former hero Nick Clegg -  and overall this album is hideous, badly thought out, unlistenable, torturous, meandering, repulsive, yukky, rude, crude, revolting and downright sickening. Which means, of course, that it’s by some margin their best yet. If only because it’s the shortest. Thank goodness the Coalition law – ruling that everybody must buy three copies of this £99 album – has now been overturned and we can go back to enjoying proper music in peace.  Zig-a-zig-ah! (Caption #6)(Caption #7)



They said it could never be done, but we laughed in their faces! Ha-har ha-har ha-har! Ha-har ha-har ha-har ha! And just for good measure Ha! Yes, that’s right, after a few experiments sending back a few small items back into our recent past (which confused the heck out of our unsuspecting guinea pigs in the stone age who hailed us a form of God!) we are confident that we are ready to send a computer-generated download back into a specific date from times gone by!
We hope that, in years to come, time travel will become as normal as current past-times like walking, eating, hang-gliding and tickling pet argibraffes. After a lot of debate, we’ve decided to send this very issue of News, Views and Music back 15 years into the past – as proof for all of you to see that it worked! (Erm, presumably you know that already of course, unless our experiment went wrong!)






We’ve also decided to run a competition – the first person to run in to our offices with a copy of this document at the exact hour we send it (12am on April 1st 2026) wins their very own Quarg! Perfect for using during those cold Winter nights on Earth!
We also know our experiments have worked because we’ve been given a copy of our next newsletter from the year 2150 – and we haven’t even written it yet so this time travel lark must be pretty special
in the years to come!  We’ll be giving it away to the first being to correctly give a punchline to the following joke:  a Humanoid, a Zigorosian and a Clandusprod walk into a bar... Write in to the usual u-mail (universal mail) address to win this amazing prize!
Remember, time travel is cooler than a clandusprod at Christmas and YOUR support and contributions make time travel possible. Thanks again!
Dr Zeus (no relation!



The 63rd Anniversary!
Series 47
          

Guess who we’ve sponsored?! Yes that’s right Who – Dr Who!

(caption #8)
Since the fall of the Coalition Government, arts productions on Earth have gone through the roof –although, of course, funding has been drastically cut during the past few decades. So we at the AAA have decided to fund the new series featuring everyone’s favourite time lord. And we have an exclusive sneak preview of what to expect from the seven-part series this Autumn. Just like last year the show will star Tom Cruise and Christina Ricci with Star Trek Captain Patrick Stewart as The Master and it will once again be broadcast by the new look BBC (British Belobrat Corporation). For fans who don’t remember, the Dr ended last year’s run of stories by turning his back on the

Guess who we’ve sponsored?! Yes that’s right Who – Dr Who!

Since the fall of the Coalition Government, arts productions on Earth have gone through the roof –although, of course, funding has been drastically cut during the past few decades. So we at the AAA have decided to fund the new series featuring everyone’s favourite time lord. And we have an exclusive sneak preview of what to expect from the seven-part series this Autumn. Just like last year the show will star Tom Cruise and Christina Ricci with Star Trek Captain Patrick Stewart as The Master and it will once again be broadcast by the new look BBC (British Belobrat Corporation). For fans who don’t remember, the Dr ended last year’s run of stories by turning his back on the



Life seem alien to you? Get a good night’s sleep with our new patent-proved UFO-pills and be back to your old self in no time!







universe and working as a teacher at Coal Hill School in London 1963 (in protest at the Coalition Government we hear)– can assistant Rosie and pet clandusprod K-9 persuade the Doctor that the universe still needs him?

Episodes to appear in the future series include ‘Billy The Dalek’ (below, caption #9), featuring the long awaited return of Russell T Davies on a story where a dalek, adopted by humans at birth, is a mild mannered civil servant in the 1980s until an appearance by Davros (played by Margaret Thatcher) turns him evil and he exterminates everyone in the office!





Billy The Dalek


‘Archful Atmopshere’, meanwhile, sees the Dr and companions trying to cross the space-time void to escape the revived Time Lords and finding themselves caught up on an alien planet where humanoids are seen as the reincarnation of the evil one – a few Cameron references there we suspect!

Star Trek crossover ‘Stardate 7719’ sees various members of the Enterprise working together with the ‘Who crew’ repairing the ships when the Enterprise and the Tardis collide in deep space before collaborating on lifting a mysterious ancient curse. Expect a cameo appearances by Blake’s Seven and Sapphire and Steel in the all-action finale!
(caption #10)
‘Submarine Cybermen’ finds the Who’s second most popular monster lurking in the depths under the Atlantic Ocean, hatching a plan to hijack the Earth’s trajectory and steer it into Mondas! Just think of it – swimming cybermen!

‘The Only Real Tardis’ is a story set entirely on the Tardis where the Dr learns more about his faithful ship than ever before after docking into a repair ship– and has to enlist on major repairs after the ship’s 11 centuries’ old guarantee runs out! We see the Doctor’s study and several bedrooms belonging to

Clandusprod K9 Mark Five


old companions in this episode, complete with some messages they’ve left for him when they leave which the Dr has only just got round to playing – so expect lots of tears in this episode!

‘Stoftan’s Tomb’, meanwhile, is an epic story set in Ancient Egypt where the Dr is heralded as an ancient God and is about to be buried alive – only to come across another familiar figure busy selling pyramids! We find out some interesting answers about the Doctor’s past in this episode, such as his real name, date of birth and shoe size.

Finally, ‘The 13 Doctors’ is the long awaited reunion episode starring every available companion and Dr from the past 63 years (delayed from the programme’s 60th anniversary in 2023 when the show was taken off the air by the Coalition). Many actors and actresses have been ‘regenerated’ by the ghosts and spirits foundation charity especially for the show! There’s even a big season finale when the Doctor finally gets the birthday cake promised to him as long ago as 1978’s ‘Stones of Blood’ serial. Ah!

Look out too for lots of brilliant music on the soundtrack including, naturally enough, the charity single by the Who all stars and Roger Daltrey singing ‘My Regenerations’!

Last week Nelson had left the band formerly known as ‘The Warlocks’ scratching their heads over a suitable band name, managing to leave Jerry Garcia’s dictionary open at the phrase ‘Grateful Dead’ when he left – this week, as our roving reporter celebrates the end of his fourth year ‘out of time’, he travels back to the time of the troubled recording sessions for The Beach Boys’ abandoned album ‘Smile’...

“Hmmn how about ‘Effervescent Tricyles On A Himalayan Mountainside?’

‘No, I’m sure that name’s been taken. And if it hasn’t, it should have been!’

‘I’ve got it – Illuminating Carpets!’

‘But that means we’ll have to buy a new carpet and a new lamp for use onstage and there’s only four dollars in the band kitty’

‘Erm, sorry guys, about that money, I got hungry on the way over here...’

‘Hmm OK then, how about ‘The Human League?’

‘No don’t be silly – you wouldn’t get far with a name like that!’

‘Aoxomoxoa?’

‘And what does that mean exactly?’

‘I don’t know but it’s got a nice ring, we might use it later on...’



...WITH THANKS TO OUR COLLEAGUES AT BoFACE TM TIME TRAVEL

IN 2022 WE SENT OUR ROVING REPORTER



‘How about Belle and Sebastian? You know, like the TV series about a boy and his dog that was on French telly’.

‘But none of us are called Belle and Sebastian!’

‘Does that matter? We could make it some kind of big artistic statement – and then never appear on our own album covers to keep the fans guessing about our identities...’

‘But we don’t even have a record contract...’

Leaving the band to their conversations I just managed to sneak past them to Jerry Garcia’s bookshelf. I found the page marked ‘Grateful Dead’, noted with some satisfaction that it was a form of song composed by wandering medieval minstrels (a man does a good deed for someone dying and after their death the ghost helps them secure riches and wealth) and headed out the door...

EEEERRGGHHH, not again! Suddenly that familiar feeling overtook me and my body prepared to ‘go out of time’! My eyes spun, my head revolved at 33 1/3rd revs per minute and my body imploded into a cacophony of sore limbs. Where was my monkeynuts editor sending me now I wondered? I just hoped it was somewhere quiet (that Phil Lesh can really talk y’know!)

But no, suddenly I was in a recording studio, full of lots of voices talking over each other and a young guy of about 25 with his head in his hands talking into the playback monitor ‘Again from the top...’

Despite the fact that he couldn’t have been further from ‘smiling’, I certainly recognised the beautiful music pouring out of the recording studio speakers.



 ‘Which one of the band are you? I always get you guys muddled up’ asked a voice.

‘Erm, no one’ I replied self-consciously.

‘Then why in heaven’s name are you wearing THAT?!’

I gulped as I glanced down to study my attire. Oh no, what mistake had our wardrobe programmer made this time?...

‘Striped surfing shirts! In the festive season of 1966! Come on, man, even Mike Love’s stopped wearing those by now...’

I glanced over once more at the central figure in the room. Yes, I actually was standing next to Brian Wilson at the peak of his very great powers, a million light years away from the nervous breakdown that will see him bed-ridden for much of the next two decades. Brian didn’t look like the average pop star of the mid-60s – slightly overweight even back then, uncomfortably tall and with a fixed stern look in his eyes that would suddenly melt into a dopey grin, hell he didn’t even look like the other Beach Boys. But oh the sounds he made – I quickly recognised the song the band were struggling with as the backing track for ‘Cabinessence’, one of the all-time Alan’s Album Archive greats.

‘No, no, no, it’s a rock and roll waltz! It’s not made for dancing. It should kick! Again...’

‘So are you hear to pour scorn on our troubled waters, are you here to take up a sea of arms against our not-quite-so Californian defences or are you just a record company dude?’ This could only be Smile lyricist Van Dyke Parks talking!

‘Erm neither, I’m just an interested bystander you could say...’ The security guard at Western Studios began to look interested. I had to think quick.

‘Umm, I’m one of his hangers-on’ I said, glancing over at Brian.

‘Oh right, yeah, another one, should have guessed’ said Van Dyke with a sigh. I remembered vaguely the AAA review of Smile and the fact that Van Dyke would walk out on the project before too long. ‘You know, I keep trying to widen Brian’s horizons to take in all that beautiful boundary-less music that cat has in his head – and all you guys do is narrow his horizons to the next fix, the next joke, the next deadline... I just wish someone would tell the guy how good his music is’.

‘He doesn’t seem to lack confidence’ I say uncertainly, as Brian reached out for the intercom and yelled ‘No, no, no what did I tell you? It’s obvious! Less French-horn, more harmonica, touch more glockenspiel and hold out on the wind chimnes till the second verse...’

‘Ah well, Brian’s in his natural territory here, even Genghis Khan as Murray Wilson couldn’t stop him when he’s in this kind of flow. Ah but after the musicians have gone home...Brian Wilson is unquestionably a genius musician, but he’s a decidedly amateur human being at the moment. I just wish I could get up the courage to tell him that...’

‘But surely, music like this, it’ll change the world won’t it? No one could possibly object to music this revolutionary, this forward-thinking, this...beautiful?’

‘I hope so. Sometimes I wonder if it’ll even sell as well as Pet Sounds – and that record was a bomb, man, nobody liked it except a few musicians in England...’

The musicians stopped right then and for the first time since arriving here I began to detect a note of uncertainty in Brian’s eyes. ‘Was that alright? I mean, really alright, man?’

‘It sounded beautiful Brian...’

‘That was some of the best music I have ever heard in my entire life!’ I enthused, ‘The way you mix those instruments! The way you break down the boundaries of song structure without letting the piece descend into an unlistenable mess! The way the three sections dovetail into each other! The way that minor chord comes in from nowhere to tear out my heart strings...’

I was interrupted.

‘It’s the other guys here, Brian. They say they want to hear the tapes and release something NOW!’

Brian sighed. ‘I’m not ready...’

In bounced Dennis Wilson, laughing with the engineers, offering his beer to the tape operator and winking lustfully at the receptionist with a big grin over his face. Carl Wilson was next, slowly positioned himself by the speakers where the musicians were doing a last rehearsal run-through before another taping session, not looking at anyone but with a big grin plastered all over his face. Mike Love and Al Jardine looked uncomfortable and surly, a million miles away from their natural habitat.

It was the shyest member, Bruce Johnstone, who spoke to Brian first. ‘So Brian...how’s it going?’ Tension in the air.

‘We’re getting there. We had a good day today. We still can’t release the track the way it is, but the middle eight is starting to sound wonderful. If I can get the opening section to sound less Earth-bound and tie the last few sections of the song down to Earth I should have it. Perhaps next year...’

‘We’ve already missed four deadlines with this thing! Why the hell isn’t it ready?’ yelled Mike Love, temporarily losing his self-control before reverting back to his peaceful serenity.

‘Erm, it’s complicated Mike and it takes time to...’

‘We have to play all this on stage, you know, Bri’ said Al Jardine sheepishly.

‘Just one month more. Please guys...

Fire! A cry rang out around the studio. It wasn’t a bad one, but the warehouse next door to the studio was ablaze and looked at one stage like it might have a chance of spreading. The Beach Boys, engineers, musicians and hangers-on walked out of the studio with a bemused grin on their faces. All except Brian, who looked ashen.

‘Did I cause that?’ he wondered out loud. ‘We recorded ‘Fire’ yesterday...I can’t allow my music out if it’s going to do that every time someone hears it...’

‘Brian’ I say gently, ‘You don’t know me, but I’m a time traveller. From the future. From a future where your music is celebrated like no other, where ‘Smile’ in particular is held up as one of the peaks of music of any genre, where you are hailed as a brave pioneer who again and again returned to the music that scared and scarred you, for the benefit of your fans. The road ahead is going to be rocky, Brian, but I want you to know that you will do it, that however long the gap is you will finish ‘Smile’ and it will be worth all the suffering, all the arguments you’re having now...’

‘Time traveller’ he said, giggling to himself, ‘how cool is that? I hope I remember this when I wake up...’

 The studio lights darken, the room swims away from me and I take a last look at Brian laughing to himself in an empty room. I only hope I have done some good. I have at least tried to do my job in this time-zone.  And then the lights swirl and I am on my way again... 



 Questions and answers

with Max The Dog MBE”
(Caption #11)
Woof! Woof! I’m Max The Singing Dog! You might know me from such YouTube Video Adverts as ‘Add Some Music To Your Day’ ‘Can You Hear The Music?’ ‘Rock and Roll Is Good Time Music’ ‘I Can Hear Music’ ‘Music Is The Earthling Way’ and ‘Music Matters More Than Coalition Policies’. I’ve had a busy month since I last spoke to you – I was really honoured to receive the ‘2026 Videocast YouTube Award For Musical Canines’. In fact, this is a picture of me being presented with the award by Lawrence The Chimp OBE, the winner of last year’s ‘most charismatic chimp with long arms’ award. Thankyou for all your votes!  Needless to say I shall be back soon with a new video celebrating the rise and fall of the Coalition Government after 15 painful years.

Anyway, back to my usual column answering the questions that no one else knows the answer to! What a varied bunch I’ve had this week – the recent Mrasianarts ruling has clearly been on the mind of a lot of you out there. Remember, I will try to answer almost anything if you send in your questions to the usual address: Max’s Palace Of Bones, SingingDogVille, New York New York, United States. 

“Dear Max, what will the fall of the Coalition Government mean for Earth bands? Do you think they will still visit our planet to play to the poorer classes who couldn’t escape on space shuttles?” Katie Price, aged 83

Dear Katie, I remember you, you were that brainless bimbo who used to be with Peter Andre and allegedly wrote all those awful books before they turned out to be ghost-written by a, erm, ghost. Hope the brain transplant’s still going well! Yes, I’m sure most of our old bands will be back on Earth before long – a lot of them still have relatives over here after all and will want to visit places they used to know before the Coalition came to power. In fact, I’ve heard that CSNY have already booked to play here this time next year if only they can rebuild the stadiums in time (Madison Square Gardens – which is now a garden after a Coalition ruling outlawing musical performances – seems the best bet!)

“Dear Max, I am a Zigorosian living on Earth and I love alien music forms. The Clandusprods have made a career out of attacking the Coalition Government. Will they continue to make music now that they have fallen?” Q-Strawkirts IV

Dear Q, while I’m not part of the Clandusprod management I can reveal that they are still interested in releasing singles on Earth. I believe their last press release said they were hoping to make ‘music as peaceful as Earthlings are at any one time’ – which could make for some lovely music now that Lord-High Cameron’s been deposed!

“Dear Max, will the Beatles ever get together with androids like other successful groups?” David Tennant

Dear David, didn’t you use to be Dr Who?! If so, use your time travel powers and stop bugging me! No seriously, Paul and the regenerations of John and George are all interested in the idea – it’s just Ringo who doesn’t want to know (remember his ‘Earth Album’ last year – ‘Planet Earth is a heartless void and all it’s inhabitants should be destroyed, peace and love anyway guys’ – Ringo’s not very popular here at the moment!)  

“Dear Max, I used to know you! Are you still as untidy as you used to be back when you were a puppy?” Ste Fitzpatrick

Dear Ste, yes I remember you, you were the one that was always hoovering every time I tried to sing ‘New York New York!’ Glad to know you’re still going – though you must be quite an age by now! To be honest, you were pretty old back then! Whatever happened to that nice Michael – oh yes, now I remember, he helped save the Earth from destruction didn’t he?!

Right that’s it guys, more musical questions answered next issue! I’m spreading the news, I’m leaving today...

(Caption #12)
For sale via the BoFace ‘Ancient History’ time travel salesman team: a genuine Trojan horse (one slightly careless owner) Priced £8 zillion (Coalition currency)

This week, mini biographies of the five leading figures who helped save the Earth!:

          Dr Proghosis LVCMXXXIV (born on Hellopshere, now resident on Earth):



          ‘The rebel without A-claws’, as he’s better known on his home planet, put his very promising career in time travel technology on the line to speak out on behalf of earthlings. His submission of artefacts from Earth – collected over a long period of time – was crucial in the recent ‘Is Mankind Good or Bad?’ court-case, the result of which did much to save mankind from destruction.  A birth defect, which left him with only one pair of claws and tentacles not two, led to jealous claims from the Interplanetary Daily Mail that he was really a human displaced by birth and that his evidence should be disallowed, a fact disproved by a number of medical tests (they also claimed that allowing mankind to live would damage house prices on the Zamma Quadrant). Dr Proghosis is thought to have one of the world’s greatest art collections and has filled up no less than 44 o-pods with ‘Earth’ music, which he still claims is the best in the Western galaxy (especially that from the 60s and 70s and covered by this site). He was recently awarded the Intergalactic Peace Prize for Services To Other Life-forms.



          Clandusprod Ken (born on and once again resident of Zigorous 3):



          Ken was always known for his debates on his home planet regarding peace throughout nations, but really came into his own once planet Earth was discovered. His pleas for mercy over Earth’s ‘less intelligent life-forms’ were beamed around the galaxy via the Planet Com Channel in prime time (except on Earth, where it was screened in the 2am slot on the channel ‘Dave’) and did much to generate public sympathy with the plight of the less war-mongering inhabitants of Earth. His ‘Ban The Bombs and Camerons’ catchphrase became a t-shirt favourite across the galaxy, even on planets where the inhabitants do not have any limbs to use them. He is currently writing his memoir ‘Mankind and other Madmen’ , due to be published next year.

          Mr Michael Fitzpatrick (Born on Earth, resident of the ice-planet Volag-Noc)

          A leading member of the anti-Coalition Rebel Force, Mike (or 'The Face Of Bo' as he's known to the AAA) began his career as technical advisor to this site before joining the fledgling ‘BoFace’ time travel experiments as their computer technician. His work contacting our future selves at Alan’s Album Archives in an alternate time-stream in the year 2100 did much to demonstrate the corruptness within the Coalition Government. Mike was then elected leader of the 'Vendetta V' attack on David Cameron's headquarters and helped rally millions of citizens to the cause with his impassioned speech about how the moon will ‘look red’ if Cameron stayed in power. Voted in as 'Zigorous 3 Amabassador on Earth', Mike then helped collect evidence that mankind weren't necessarily the 'monsters' other lifeforms considered them to be. After refusing the Mrasianarts equivalent of a knighthood - after correctly speculating that the alien life-forms were the original descendents of the now-disgraced Royal family - Mike won the ultimate extra-species award: a third arm!

          President Lincoln (born on Earth, revived during the great ghost rising of 2019, now living on Mekkron )

          After perfecting time-travel in 2017, the company Boface diversified into ‘ghost communications technology’. One of the first beings to speak – and later agree to be regenerated in new bodily form – was the former President Abraham Lincoln. After a public outcry over the ethics of reviving dead citizens, planet Earth soon became used to hearing Lincoln’s speeches. His most famous second-incarnation speech ran: ‘Mankind has been around a lot more than ‘Four score and seven years’ now and it’s about time we learned to live in peace, both with ourselves and with other life-forms. Mankind has a duty to live by his own high moral standards and not to sink to the low ones of the state and – oh my goodness, who is that huge woman with the funny hat and torch and stretched out arms over there?!’ Fed up of life under Lord High Cameron’s regime, he left planet Earth for ‘Mekkron’ last month, with Lincoln admitting that his idea for a brave new world in America had ‘got a little out of hand while I’ve been away’.

          John Lennon (born on Earth, now in the afterlife planet Karaffid)

          Another ‘ghost’ form revived into another body to regain life on Earth, John was reportedly displeased with his new looks, claiming the revival team had chosen a body that ‘made him look like Ringo’. Lennon, worried by the loss of the Earth to Mrasianarts Special Forces, began touring across the galaxy again with a new version of his 1969 hit ‘Give Peace A Chance’. After speaking up on behalf of humanity and criticising Cameron - risking his new body and his ‘Blue Card’ enabling him to travel back to Earth along the way -  Lennon became known as an ‘ambassador for peace’ all over again, just as he did in the 1960s and 70s but now on a wider scope. Lennon remains one of only five Earth figures most Belobrats could point to during a recent survey (along with Mike, Obama, Reginald S Osenthweit, the new actor playing Dr Who and the creator of Alan’s Album Archives, the 994th most influential website in the Western Spiral Galaxy). 

Well, that’s it for another issue. Be sure to tune your radio dials onto this wavelength again next week when we’ll be discussing ‘The Spice Girls – Are They Noisy Enough To Count For An Out-Of-Space Asbo?’ and whether the BoFace Ghost Diversifying Team were right to revive The Queen after revelations that she isn’t actually dead yet (it was all a plot by King Charles III!) Till next issue, happy reading and happy listening! Goodbye!

(Caption #13)
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