Friday, 7 May 2010

News, Views and Music Issue 60 (Top Five) Campaign Manifestos

So who did you vote for? Sadly we didn’t have time to get an Alan’s Album Archives party ready for the election (manifesto: a free copy of ‘Smile’ delivered to every household, CDs cheap on the NHS, automatic access to the internet to read our site etc, slogan ‘add some music to your day’). But in all seriousness music does belong in politics – just look at the fuss made when the Conservative party appropriated music without asking for their campaign this year and the group ended up backing Labour. So here are the AAA slogans the parties should have used this year (and might well use again in October when we do this all over again – we copyright now the idea that the politicians should use ‘Deja Vu’ for their next campaign): 

5) What’s the Tory (Morning Glory?): Oasis (‘Morning Glory’, 1995). Or our personal favourite slogan for Cameron before the election results ‘I’m A Loser’ (he still is when you consider what a mess Labour’s made of everything and how big the conservative advertising budget was and yet still couldn’t get an outright majority). Or that other classic Oasis song ‘The Importance Of Being Idle (Rich)’. At least it’s better than the real slogan ‘vote for change’ – yeah that’s vote for the spare change income that’ll be all you’re getting when the rich oiks come into power. 

4) Labour of Love: The Kinks (How fitting: the album its from is called ‘State Of Confusion’,1983). Jethro Tull’s ‘One Brown Mouse, Sitting In The Corner’ (and refusing to leave no 10) is the best follow-up we could think of. And, again, much more accurate than the Labour slogan ‘a future fair for all’ – talking of fair, how about ‘Helter Skelter’ (we reach rock bottom – and we see you again).  

3) Liber(al democrat) ity: Grateful Dead (‘So Many Roads’ 1995). In the old days of course ‘Who Are You?’ might have been a better slogan, but Clegg’s sterling performance in this year’s election should have seen the Lib Dems score lots of votes (and why the hell haven’t we got proportional representation yet, some 300 years after everybody else got it? Next you’ll be telling us the country is still nominally run by a bloodsucking family who claim to have the divine right of kings in an age when most people have stopped believing and despite not actually being from this country at all – oh hang on a minute...) As of now perhaps the best alternative slogan would be the name of a Paul Simon compilation, ‘Negotiations and Love Songs’ as both main parties try to woo the Lib Dems onto their side. We quite liked Private Eye’s Lib Dem slogan ‘He Loves EU yeah yeah yeah’ too.   

2) UKIP Jive: The Kinks (‘UK Jive’, 1989). Or Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘I Am a Rock, I am an island’.

1) Monster Raving Loony Party Mash: Beach Boys (‘In Concert’, 1964). You all thought we’d mention the BNP here right? No way, compared to the monster loonies that parties’ policies are way too wacky for us to take seriously.

That’s all from us for another week. Tune in next time to see a) if the world really has come to a standstill because we haven’t technically got a prime minister at the moment like the media keeps telling us (though personally we think the country will be better off without one) and b) whether our sight has been closed down by either David ‘Flash’ Camermoron or Gordon ‘Black’ Brown. Bye till then!

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