Friday, 6 August 2010

News, Views and Music Issue 70 (Top Five) Things To Put In Our AAA Time Capsule




Assuming you’re not one of those readers who’ve skipped straight to the ‘good bit’ (as we’ll modestly call our series of frank and deeply unusual top five round-ups), you’ll have read above about the John Lennon time capsule due for opening on the musician’s birthday on October 9th 2040. This got us thinking. What will you and I be doing in 30 years’ time? We often make jokes about time travel on our pages (apart from our April Fool’s day editions, which are deadly serious, oh yes they are) but 30 years’ time seems uncomfortably close. By our reckoning, we’ll have just about finished covering every single AAA-related album by 2040 – assuming, of course, that no new groups are added to our list in the interim and that no more records are brought out (so, in other words, it’ll probably be more like 2050 by the time we get there). Who knows where this site will be in 30 years’ time – the most viewed music website of all, perhaps, which has helped nurture a return to classic music and an interest among fans who aren’t even born yet – or a completely forgotten unlisted site on a computer server that should be in a museum.Answers on a postcard... But one thing we do know is that we’ll keep this site going for as long as humanly possible – though just in case we can’t manage that here’s a note to our future selves/readers about what we in 2010 want to place in our own patent pending Alan’s Album Archives Time Capsule...

5) Our website. You know, ‘Alan’s Album Archives’, the thing you’re reading now, so if we’re still alive in 2040 we can compare how our opinions about music have changed (though I bet we’ll still hate the Spice Girls). We’re not quite sure how to do this – perhaps burying the server computer our site is loaded on (which, admittedly, might be a bit of a drag for the other users sharing it with their own sites), a complete computer print-out in an air-tight box or an animamaxatronic robot infused with the complete text of our website so far and able to spout any knowledge about any of the indexed albums at the press of a button. Hmm, that’ll probably do. We’ll call him Max the spouting robot for short. Now where can I find ‘mad scientists’ in the yellow pages?!

4) Our Youtube Video(s). Ooh yes we’ve got more on that to tell you. We’ve made two Youtube Videos advertising the site, one of which is ready to see at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHME7GEsjIQ (Only special guests can see it at the moment but, well, you’re all my special guests!) Regular readers will know exactly what to expect: A singing dog with a cane, a drunken canine with a bottle of Baileys, a bear whose head swivels, a guest appearance by a dalek and a Clandusprod alien from the Zigorous Three galaxy! Well, you try and sum up in 10 minutes how mad this site can be sometimes – suffice to say there’s also some great music (courtesy of the Stones this time around) and a dig at the Spice Girls, just so you’ll know it really was me making it. Please leave a comment and a rating if you view it or Max and Bingo will get very upset. We’ll tell you more about the second, rather more normal, video next week (if we can ever get it loaded – we got as far as 97% the other night after two hours of staring at the screen, only to lose our connection! Grr!)

3) A copy of Brian Wilson’s ‘Smile’. Well, I’ll probably have worn out my copy by then and with luck there should be a whole range of ‘anniversary sets’ out by 2040 celebrating both Brian’s final version and the Beach Boys’ scattered original. As we’ve said on this site many times, if you ever need to convince a wayward relation or nagging friend of the power of music to lighten your soul and shed a light on humanity’s problems, this is the album you need to play to them first. And if that doesn’t work, try any of the other 100 albums from our ‘core’ list! And just in case anything bad ever happens to our planet (you know, in 2012) we have to preserve humanity’s greatest works for future generations. Even though the retro-caveman who digs our capsule up after a nuclear holocaust will have no means to play it and will probably just use the CD to bash his friend over the head with.

2) Our two AAA MP3 players, containing a sample (well, 3988 tracks, it’s a big sample) of what our staff were listening to back in 2010. This will probably puzzle historians who don’t know about our site greatly in 30 years’ time given that the technology dates from 2007 and the most recent music on either player dates from around 1989. Or at least, it will puzzle them until they actually play the MP3s and realize what classic, beautiful, delectable and downright staggeringly wonderful music they both have on them. Until I find some joker’s wiped my favourite tracks and replaced them with the Spice Girls. Hmm, I’d better add 30 years’ worth of charge if I ever do get this time capsule together...

1) The Spice Girls, just to remind ourselves about what passed for music in what will be known as the ‘missing’ musical years of 1990-2010, who by our reckoning will be in their early 70s by 2040 (and we can guarantee that Emma Bunton will still be trading under the name ‘Baby Spice’). Buried alive preferably. Along with every copy of ‘Wannabe’ so that the universe will never have to hear it again during the next 30 years. Something that, we’re sure, will be heartily encouraged by every tramp given a kung-fu kick by Scary Spice.  

Well, time seems to have run out on us again, be sure to tune in next time for issue 71 of ‘News, Views and Music’. Happy reading, happy listening and happy rocking!

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