Friday, 7 October 2011

News, Views and Music Issue 115 (Top Five): The AAA Cookbook




MMM Wild Honey. What taste! As a result, here’s a tie-in quickie for you this week – and just as well because you’re guaranteed to grown at some of these (heh heh heh). There are cookbooks for everything these days, often full of awful puns as names for recipes and boring anecdotes from celebrities that are actually made up by their ghost-writers. So, we’ve been thinking – why not an AAA cookbook? Why there’s even a Dr Who one – although alas its more a collection of recipes by members of the cast than, say silurian sultana cakes or sontaron potatoes. Despite the fact that I know nothing about food (except how to eat it, and even then sometimes I forget – but hey I still have more qualifications than Jamie Oliver and he’s a saint nowadays, apparently) here is our AAA recipe, full of seven mouth-watering dishes (and no, the spice girls might taste nice but I’m still refusing to add them to this list. Just remember to heat them in the oven at10c(c). Any publishers interested? No? Thought not...

The Peach Boys (Wouldn’t this dish be nice, eh? Especially with some Bun Bun Buns! God only knows how you make it though – perhaps with a mixer giving your ingredients some ‘Good Vibrations’!)

Long John Lemon and the Silver Bagels (because ‘The Bagels’ just sounds boring doesn’t it? Sprinkle with liberal helpings of Sgt Pepper and lots of nice Apples. Because I want to hold your hams. Hmm, actually after looking at those ingredients you might want to shout for ‘Help!’)

Crosby, Bangers and Mash (Not sure what a Crosby is but you can’t go wrong with the other ingredients, surely? Erm, perhaps...For Suite: Judy Blue Eggs. Serve with a Marrikesh Expresso. And an Immigration Flan – OK, OK, that last one needed work...)

Dire Cakes (Exactly what it would have said on the tin had we provided you with one to put your ‘dire cakes’ in. Alongside the slogan ‘money for nothing and chips for free!’ Oh and don’t forget to add the sultanas of swing!)

The Grapefruit Dead (A little American Beauty this one, even with A Touch Of Gray around the edges. To finish, try some Cherry Garcia ice cream from Ben and Jerrys!)

The Mouldy Blues (Cheeses that is! You’ll all be riding your ‘cheese’ saws after this – either that or waving your chainsaws I’m not quite sure. After all, they’re just chefs in a butter and roll band aren’t they? Erm, Question: won’t all that taste horrible? Why, yes it would!)

Otis Breadpudding (Respect! What else conjures up Otis the gentle giant than a breadpudding packed with sole! Lemon sole! Oh dear,that sounds horrid actually. All together now: ‘I’ve been cooking you too long for me to stop now...’)

The Rolling Scones (To finish, would sir or madam care for this pudding?, one that’s sure to give Satisfaction! Especially with some Goat’s Head Soup! Why, maybe it’ll even be a Beggar’s Banquet!)

OK, OK, that’s enough now I promise. All complaints to our forum please, I’ll read them later. See you next week (if you’re very forgiving!)


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