Monday, 19 May 2014

Top Thirty Hilariously Misheard AAA Album Titles/Lyrics






Ho ho ho - my spellchecker definitely has a sense of humour after re-naming the above album review 'Wigs at the Speed Of Sound'! Which put me in a mischievous mood - wondering what other AAA album titles have been misheard over the years and what album titles might be ripe for a chuckle? A thought which reminded me of a Twitter trend for changing a letter of an album title I may have subconsciously 'borrowed' for some of this post (sorry if I nicked your idea). While researching with that project in mind I then found even more for 'song lyrics that have been misheard' down the years, so this week you lucky readers get both! Who said I wasn't generous eh? Well, my spellchecker actually who wanted to change that word to 'onerous'. Anyway, here in chronological order is a top ten of titles (mainly by me) and a top ten of song lyrics (mainly submitted by other people to the 'misheard lyrics' site www.kiss thisguy.com - its named after the famous mishearing of the Jimi Hendrix song 'Purple Haze' which should of course read 'kiss the sky'!) :

1) "Eat The Searchers" (should be 'Meet The Searchers', 1963)

Mmm what a 'tasty' album, surely containing 'sugars and spice' and 'sweets for my sweet'! Does it come in scratch and sniff?!

2) "Mr Tangerine Man" (should be 'Mr Tambourine Man', The Byrds 1964)

He's going to have a hard job playing with only fruit at his disposal - although given how 'trippy' a lot of Dylan's lyrics are this might make as much sense! Accompanied by the B-side 'I'll probably peel a whole lot better'.

3) "Rubber Sole" (should be 'Rubber Soul', The Beatles 1965)

Special fish version: includes the tracks 'In My Pike' 'Drive My Carp' 'Michelle(fish)' 'Bait' and 'Norwegian Woodback' (yes, folks, I'm here all week!)

4) "Wet Sounds" (should be 'Pet Sounds', The Beach Boys 1966)

Or 'wouldn't it be nice to go fishing?' as the Beach Boys hang up their surfboards for rod and tackle. Gives a whole new meaning to 'let's go away for a whale'.

5) "Evolver" (should be 'Revolver', The Beatles 1966)

A possible Beatle re-telling of 'Origins Of The Species' where man starts out as a Neanderthal Taxman, progresses via a mysterious 'Yellow Submarine' left by aliens a la 2001 and ends up as....well, Tomorrow Never Knows!

6) "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Tim" (should be 'Parsley, Sage , Rosemary and Thyme', Simon and Garfunkel, 1967)

Prog rock concept album in which the eponymous Tim goes to Scarborough Fair to do some shopping before he's (you guessed it) 'Homeward Bound'. Hope he bought some 'Sounds of Salad' along the way. 

7) "Cheggar's Banquet" (should be 'Beggar's Banquet', The Rolling Stones, 1968)

Scary nightmare in which Keith Chegwin remixes a classic Stones LP! 'Sympathy For The Devil' segueing into 'Agadoo'?! Horrors!

8) "Exile On Pain Street" (should be 'Exile On Main Street', The Rolling Stones, 1972)

In which the Stones go to 'Dear Doctor' and ask him to 'Shine A Light' - see, this post is almost writing itself!

9) "Band On The Rug" (should be 'Band On The Run', Paul McCartney and Wings, 1974)

In which Wings escape prison long enough to buy a 'Jet' black rug vintage 1985 from a Mrs Vanderbilt's antique shop before asking each other to 'Let Me Roll It' only unfortunately the rug was diseased so everyone catches Mamunia (whatever that actually is). There are No Words to describe the rest of this album, which is probably just as well.

10) "Buddha and the Chocolate Fox" (should be 'Buddha and the Chocolate Box' , Cat Stevens, 1974)

Yummy! And arguably no dafter than the real album with its chocolate Buddhas. This special 'Basil Brush' remix features an extra special 'Boom! Boom!' after every chorus.

11) "Still Hazy After All These Years" (should be 'Still Crazy After All These Years', 1975)

In which Paul Simon recalls his mis-spent youth, remembering '50 Hazes To Leave Your Lover In' and 'My Little Hazy Town'.  

12) "Pug Of War" (should be 'Tug Of War', Paul McCartney 1982)

Beware the dogs of war - well the pugs at any rate! They come in shades of 'Ebony and Ivory', can be 'Dressed Up Like A Robber' and leave you wishing that they could all be 'Take(n) It Away'. 

13) "Dirty Wok" (should be 'Dirty Work', The Rolling Stones, 1984)

Or 'Cooking with the Rolling Stones'. Well, I'd buy it - just for the cover of them all in their florescent tracksuits and the jokes about the pineapple tree Keith Richards keeps climbing.

14) "Harvest Moo" (should be 'Harvest Moon', Neil Young, 1992)

From Hank To Hendrix, everybody loves milk. Well except for people like me who are allergic to it (hurray for soya beans!) but anyway, One Of These Days I'm going to sit down and write a long letter - probably a milk bill. Remember a cow is a 'Natural Beauty' preserved like a monument to nature. It's all very mooo-ving.

15) "Standing On The Shoulders Of Ants" (should be Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants', Oasis, 2000)

Oasis' most humble album, in which they ponder Where Did It All Go Wrong?' and whether they should 'Go Let It Out' at all, before discovering a 'Wasp Panic!'
And the top fifteen misheard AAA lyrics that tickled my funnybone:

1) The Beach Boys, 'Wouldn't It Be Nice?' (Pet Sounds, 1966):

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could yodel, then we wouldn't have to wait so long!"

The true lyrics is of course 'Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?' but I love this interpretation of the lyrics, as if nights of yodelling together with his girlfriend will truly make this narrator's cares fade away...

2) The Beatles, 'Here There and Everywhere' (Revolver, 1966):

"...And if she's beside me I know I need Medicare..."

A joke for our American readers (if you're British and are reading this before 2015 then think the NHS - any time after and goodness only knows what we'll get when the Coalition kill it off...) The real lyric should of course be 'And if she's beside me I need never care'. This misinterpretation changes the stance of the rest of the song and makes it sound rather creepy, actually, as if the girlfriend is waiting to murder the narrator and he can never escape her...

3) The Beatles, 'And Your Bird Can Sing' (Revolver, 1966)

"...You may be a Vulcan, I'll be round, I'll be round!..."

The Beatles were all Star Trek friends to some extent which taken together with the fact that 'And Your Bird Can Sing' is one of Lennon's 'nonsense' songs that could mean anything makes this a rather pleasing reading of the song. Beware that Vulcan death grip - and your tribbles can sing, but you won't get me, I'm Captain Kirk!

4) Jefferson Airplane, 'White Rabbit' (Surrealistic Pillow, 1967):

"...Tell them all Hugo the smoking caterpillar has given you the call..."

'White Rabbit' is a song all about drugs so inevitably there are lots of weird interpretations for practically every line (though few can be as, erm, inventive as what Lewis Carroll wrote in inspiring the song). My favourite, though, changes a 'hookah-smoking caterpillar' to 'Hugo the Smoking Caterpillar', who sounds a much friendlier kind of chap!

5) Otis Redding "(Sittin' On The) Dock Of The Bay" (Single, 1968)

"I'm just sitting on the back of a duck, wasting time..."

I owe this one to the excellent tome of the same name by Graham Jones, subtitled 'Overheard gems from record shops' which features several similar strange requests for songs (although sadly this is the only real AAA one). The original is truly sad, with nowhere to go but the empty socks - this version sounds much happier, with the gentle giant of soul astride a duck, watching the world go by.

6) Simon and Garfunkel "America" (Bookends, 1968)

"...Captain Picard on the New Jersey turnpike, they've all come to look for America..."

Another Star Trek reference for you, this time from the Simon and Garfunkel classic. The two young lovers are looking out the window of their train, dreaming of their new home together, when what do they see? Well, the original is of course 'Counting the cars on the New Jersey turnpike' as they see so many other optimistic souls like themselves starting over. This version fits too though with its promise of a new life in the stars beyond. Let's hope the pair boldly go...

7) The Beatles "Back In The USSR" (The White Album, 1968)

"Do we bomb Miami Beach or UAC? Didn't get to sleep last night..."

A far less friendly interpretation of Paul McCartney's cold war soothing Beach Boys pastiche which replaced all the American names with Russian ones. Paul really garbles his opening line 'Flew in from Miami Beach via BUAC' so its not surprising so many people misheard these lyrics. This interpretation works quite well, actually, the bomber being sick into a paper bag as he regrets wiping so many innocent civilians out. 

8) Simon and Garfunkel "The Boxer" (Bridge Over Troubled Water, 1969)

"...Just come from the Toy zone, 7th Avenue..."

This is from the verse in the classic 'The Boxer' where the only warmth and comfort the narrator can get is artificial and has to be paid for, 'The Whore Zone, 7th Avenue'. This version fits just as well however: perhaps Paul Simon's character should have saved his money up and gone to 'Toys 'R' Us' instead?

9) Stephen Stills, 'Love The One You're With' (Stephen Stills, 1970)

"...And if you can't be with the one you live, love the wonder witch!"

That wonder witch you know - she flies around not with a cat on a broomstick but an eagle and a dove who are clearly in love, but she's always there for lonely souls who have no one else to be with. Personally I really love this storybook misinterpretation of the classic line 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!'

10) The Hollies, 'Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress' (A Distant Light, 1971)

"Sitting in a nest with Batman, just to find me a beautiful song!"

Or 'Long Cool Robin In A Black Dress', which is definitely the way the modern films should go I think. Erm, anyway, this version has the undercover FBI narrator following his supect and getting help not from a 'nest of bad men' but from the caped crusader Batman himself. The rest of the lyric by the way should be '5 foot 9, beautiful, tall', but I can't bring myself to write about Batman in those terms...

11) Ringo Starr "Back Off Boogaloo" (Single, 1971)

"Back off to the loo, what you think you're gonna do? back off to the loo-hoo!"

Well it makes more sense than the real version, inspired by Ringo's buddy Marc Bolan who made 'Boogaloo' one of his favourite sayings. 

12) Pink Floyd "One Of These Days" (Meddle, 1972)

"One of these days I'm going to dance with the little people..."

A biot of an explanation for this one if you don't know the song: There's only one line of dialogue for it, the rather creepy 'One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces!' Spoken by a slowed-down and electronically treated Nick Mason, it's hard to interpret and is open to many possible readings. This one is the best, though, instantly turning this scary, paranoid, frenetic song into one about dancing leprechauns! 

13) Rolling Stones "Beast Of Burden" (Some Girls, 1978)

"I'll never be your Easter bunny!"

'Beast of burden' isn't exactly a well worn phrase so I have sympathy with the poster who genuinely assumed that Mick Jagger was cooing to his wife 'I'll never be your Easter Bunny' instead. Other Stones classics on a similar theme might include 'I've Rabbit With You' and 'Paint It, Jackrabbit'.

14) George Harrison, "All Those Years Ago" (Somewhere In England, 1981)

"You were the one they all said was so weird, although she's a girl..."
George Harrison's moving tribute to John Lennon is given a whole new meaning here, turning the subject of the song into a crossdresser. I'd never noticed how close the line 'Although she's a girl' was to 'All those years ago' - it actually fits really well (too well - I'll never hear it the same way again now...)

15) George Harrison "I've Got My Mind Set On You" (Cloud Nine, 1987)

"Get up or I'll sit on you!"

And finally we're back with George again for the manic hit single where the vocal's completely drowned out by the drums anyway. This is another lyrics that sounds remotely plausible ('...But it's going to take plenty of money' suggesting bribery, '...patience and time...' suggesting a bullying elder brother) if you don't know what the song is meant to be called. 

Oh and 16) Our obligatory Spice Girls reference:

"I really really really wanna smoke a big cigar!"

Well, let's face it - anything is better than the gibberish original which is apparently that erudite sentence: 'I really really really wanna zig-a-aig-ah!' No, we have no idea what it means either - or why anyone would listen to a Spice Girls song long enough to misinterpret it!

That's all from us for now! We'll be back mangling song lyrics - erm, no, detailing them with warmth and sincerity next week with more News, Views and Music. See you then!

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