Friday, 23 July 2010

News, Views and Music Issue 68: (Top Forty-Two) Mornington Crescent/Monopoly

♫ We’ve all done it haven’t we? Studied a Monopoly board thinking ‘I could do better than that’ and working out what songs would be ‘Mayfair’ and which would be ‘Old Kent Road’ (what do you mean you haven’t?!? We’ve done it several times!) So for this edition of ‘News, Views and Music’ we’ve decided to modify our usual top five to offer you the lowdown on the most desirable AAA properties there to buy (on CD, at least, if not a real Monopoly board). As a little extra, your two members of AAA staff have decided to play this game under the same rules as Radio 4’s ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue’s ‘Mornington Crescent’ (Fortheringay rules 1894 with a triple twist wordscore, naturally). In order to play we’ve started our guinea pig players off with £200 each (and luckily we’re playing this game before the ridiculous decision to raise the VAT prices goes up, David Cameron hang your head in shame...yet again...)

Hmm, how to start... Perhaps a safe bet. How about ‘Abbey Road’? (Mayfair, title of Beatles album 1969, rent £50, recently at a cheaper price from EMI)

....Interesting decision. In that case let’s move left down the street to ‘The Long and Winding Road’ (Park Lane, Beatles track ‘Let It Be’, 1970, rent £35 pending Apple law suit, but will it lead to your door? Only if you live on Park Lane.)

Just to stop you looking smug, next comes ‘The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion) (Regent Street, 1st Grateful Dead single 1967, rent £26 and presumably a bag of LSD, ‘hey hey come fly away and join the party every day!’)

...If you’re going down the Dead line then I’ll have to travel down the back lanes into ‘Shakedown Street’ (Pentonville Road, Grateful Dead song and album title 1979, rent £8 - not much shaking on shakedown street)

Hmm, just as long as you don’t try to build a ‘Mars Hotel’ on it. While we’re down the back end of town I’m going to try ‘Old Dirt Road’ (Euston Road, John Lennon track from ‘Walls and Bridges’ LP 1974, rent £6  - everybody’s hustling for a buck and a dime)

...While I clean the mud of my wellington boots here comes ‘Broad Street’ (Bond Street, Paul McCartney film and soundtrack album 1984, rent £28 – no more lonely nights this end of town!)

That was a nice visit, give it my regards. Next up I’m feeling groovy so it’s down to the 49th Bridge Street (Bow Street, Simon and Garfunkel track from 1967 album ‘Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme’, rent £14 - life I love you, all is groovy).

...Right time to get you out the groove with what is Positively 4th Street (Vine Street, Byrds track from live section of ‘Untitled’ LP 1970, rent £16 - pick up your tent because you ain’t going nowhere! Ha! Top Hat That!)

Looks like I’m forced to use evasive measures so here’s a long journey round the 14 minute opus Telegraph Road (which really turns on the Water Works, Dire Straits track from LP ‘Love Over Gold’ 1982, rent £4-times-the-amount-on-the-dice - come with me and I’ll take you away out of the darkness and into the day)

...That road still didn’t last as long as my next offering, ‘Eternity Road’ (Piccadilly, Moody Blues track from 1969 LP ‘To Our Children’s Children’s Children, rent £24 - searching to find some peace of mind)

Horrors! No wonder I’m having a Kansas City Nightmare on the 18th Avenue (Northumberland Avenue, Cat Stevens song from 1972 album ‘Catch-Bull At Four’, rent £22 - and cold potatoes too!, just down the street from ‘Portobello Road’, do I get extra for that one?!)

...Hmm this game’s taken a bit of a turn for the worse. Is that ‘Bleecker Street’ I see up ahead?! (Whitechapel Road, Simon and Garfunkel track from 1964 album ‘Wednesday Morning, 5AM’, rent £4  - that’s funny, its $30 pays your rent in the song, it must be a sale this week)

Time for a real road now with that infamous Ray Davies diatribe about a well known road of songwriters Denmark Street (Definitely not a community chest, perhaps the ‘Go To jail’ square, Kinks track from 1970 LP ‘Lola Versus Powerman and the Merry-Go-Round’, rent, huh, you’ll be lucky, more like lawyer’s fees pay £200)

...Well if you’re in a Kinks mood then I’m in ‘Dead End Street’ (Old Kent Road – what else? - Kinks single 1966, rent £2 - my feet are nearly frozen, boil the tea and put some toast on quick!)

Thank goodness they’re out the way, this neighbourhood is looking up now. Let’s try ‘Long Promised Road’ for size (Oxford Street, Beach Boys song from 1971 album ‘Surf’s Up, rent £26 - let my soul automatically soar)  

...I’m having a belated sense of ‘Salvation Road’ (Leicester Square, Kinks track from 1973 album ‘Preservation Act II’, rent £22 - we’ll all hold hands and all sing a song and all mark time as we go’)

Well, I’m having a spiritual turn now I’m near the end of the board with ‘Spirit Road’ (The Strand, Neil Young song from 2007 album ‘Chrome Dreams II’, rent £18 - it’s a long highway in your mind, you know)

...Well I’ve got my feet firmly on the ground, here on ‘Natural Avenue’ (Trafalgar Square, song and album by Moody Blues bassist John Lodge, rent £20)

Goodness knows where I am now. Must be the ‘Road To Kingdom Come’ (Marlborough Street, track on 1st Lindisfarne album ‘Nicely Out Of Tune’ 1970, rent £14 - as I turn my face back to the sun, condemned to walk the road to kingdom come)

...Well I know where I am, I’m in America – doing the Wall Street Shuffle to be precise - moaning at all the banks for losing all our money gambling (Fleet Street because the newspapers are always writing about it, a single by 10cc and track from their 1972 album ‘Sheet Music’, rent £18 - they plead with you ‘brother can you spare a dime?’, but you ain’t got the time’)

I’m running out of roads but I’ve still got some stations up my sleeve. First up an obvious one seeing as it really is on the Monopoly board, ‘King’s Cross Blues’ (King’s Cross Station, a track from the 1978 Lindisfarne album ‘Back and Fourth’ , rent £25 per station owned – I wish this King’s Cross Station didn’t have to be so far!)

...Alright then, two can play at this game. I’m In ‘Terrapin Station’ (or rather ‘Marleybone Station’ – same thing really – a track and album by The Grateful Dead 1977, rent £25 per station owned – some have lied, some have cried, some have died just to get to Terrapin, just left going out of Carlisle)

Is that a ‘Train’ I see ‘In The Distance’? (I’m getting desperate now...) (Liverpool Street Station, a track from Paul Simon’s 1983 album ‘Hearts and Bones’, rent £25 per station owned – everyone loves the sound of a train in the distance, they just don’t like it passing through’, especially in the tunnels at Liverpool’s Central Station where they make one heck of a din)

...Well I passed through there Yesterday, so that’s ‘Yesterday’s Train’ to me now (Fenchurch Street Station, yet another track from the 1970 Byrds ‘Untitled’ LP, rent £25 per station owned)

Right, I’m getting desperate now. How about ‘4 Way Street’? (Whitehall, the title of a CSNY concert recording from 1971, rent £10 – and if you can find the cost of freedom, that would be helpful as well)

Continuing the CSN theme I’ve got a ‘Street To Lean On’ (Pall Mall to be precise; a track from the 1994 CSN album ‘After The Storm’, rent £12 – she got no galleria, she got no Pall Mall, all she got is the street to lean on and the gutter where I fall after paying the rent on the next property no doubt)

My finances are getting low too – but I don’t know when I’m beat, that’s why I’m your ‘Shadow In The Street’ (The Angel, Islington; Allan Clarke track from 1979 LP ‘I Wasn’t Born Yesterday’, rent £6 – I must have been born yesterday to charge that low price!)

Blimey we’re getting close now. But not closer to home because I’m in ‘Blue Jay Way’ (Coventry Street, a track from the 1967 Double EP ‘Magical Mystery Tour’ by The Beatles, rent £22, but please don’t be long on paying it or I may be asleep....z...z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z.z)

Err, Umm, Ooh, Hec, I can’t think of anymore and we’re only one property away from completing the board.

...Does that mean I win?

I think it does...

...Yippee! ‘Mornington Crescent’ (The Electric Company because, well, this track is electrifying, a track by Belle and Sebastian from their 2005 CD ‘The Life Pursuit’, rent £4-times-the-amount-shown-on-the-dice - ‘Mornington Crescent, I think of you, when I’m in the South East and I’m feeling blue’)

What a victory! What can I spend my winnings on? Everything in next week’s news column probably! We hope you’ve enjoyed this little sojourn round our heads. More strangeness next week!

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