Wednesday 1 April 2009

News, Views and Music Issue 1255 (Sent From The Future)

Spare room Studios

Now available to buy in e-book format as part of 'A Scrapbook Of Madness - The Alan's Album Archives Guide To...Alan's Album Archives' by clicking here

The Earth’s favourite monkeynuts music newsletter
“Proud sponsors of BoFace TM Time Travel Experiments”
Also available in ‘Hellopshere’, ‘Zigorosian’ and ‘Kllingon
2D TIME TRAVEL EDITION ****************
VIEWS AND MUSIC *********************
ISSUE 1255 *******
*******APRIL 1 2034*****************
Issue 1255 – April 1 2034

Hello to all our readers old and new, whether you are reading this newsletter using the usual 3D interfacing cards, the new pioneering hologram editions or the retro 2D format. Welcome once again To Alan’s Album Archives, the database for all your album needs, be they the 1960s, 70s, 80s, 90s or bang up to date to the 2130s. Now that our readership has reached 84 billion weekly (many readers courtesy of our new shipment to the colony on Mars and the intergalactic contact with our new readers on the planet Zigorous Three – hello out there!) things are really taking off here at the AAA. It seems that even though some of the records contained in our databanks are now 75 years old you readers just can’t get enough of the ‘classical’ 60s music. As you may have read in last month’s column, our sponsorship of the new time travel experiments goes from strength to strength and we have even better news – that’s right, our current newsletter will be the first piece of writing ever to be sent back in time and by a full 25 years, right back to our very first year of publication when our readership hadn’t yet reached intergalactic proportions  (Ha! Bet that really confused all our early readers – if I remember rightly, back in the dim and distant past, we hadn’t even made interstellar contact back then!) Ever since the outlawing of time travel in this country by President David Cameron (who, don’t forget, lost a record six general elections in a row), our top UK scientists have had to look abroad for funding – which is where we’ve stepped in. From our
Also available in ‘Hellopshere’, ‘Zigorosian’ and ‘Kllingon

2D TIME TRAVEL EDITION ****************
Price: One Quarg or Four Zaluptiots

base in Switzerland, time travel now seems to be possible, for objects at least – we did send five guinea pigs (who were known as the ‘Spice Girls’ in the olden days before they fell on hard times – anyone remember them? We used to harass them quite a lot in this newsletter if I remember rightly…) back in time but sadly lost contact – all we could hear was a sort of roaring sound later identified by our tops scientists as a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a lot of muffled screaming and a moan that sounded something like ‘I really wish I hadn’t zig-a-zig-ahhed’. Either way, this is naturally a time travel special edition of this month’s newsletter so will contain lots of info about the old groups we used to collect (back in the days when we only had 101 albums as the main part of our database instead of the 3 million 7450 that we have now) as well as our usual favourite groups from the 21st century (we’ve been saying it for the last 15 years but we’ll say it again – thank goodness popular music got back to normal after the horrors of the 1980s, 90s, 00s and 10s). So, till the next issue dear readers, from your full time AAA staff (Alan, Mike, Philosophy Phil, our resident android MC225T and our regular columnists Pete Townshend, Brian Wilson, Graham Nash and Paul McCartney) and the dozens of you who keep sending stuff in from Alpha Centauri, happy reading! (AAA Alan, somewhere in Switzerland in 2034, wondering how he can escape this backward planet and travel to Zigorous Three!)  

 Austounders News: Things just keeping better for this new band - only on the scene for the last 12 years (well, that’s new by our standards!!), this trio’s classic blend of nursery rhyme, modern pop and 60s songwriting has earned them their 5th kryptonite award this week (the substance that finally replaced the outmoded ‘gold and silver’ discs in 2020). Their new release ‘Monster Eating Moose’ is already rocketing up the Earth Charts and has reached the intergalactic top #50 (not bad, considering there are now 14 planets eligible for entry onto the charts!) Will this single go all the way and outsell even the best-selling ‘Dolly’s Lament’? (The best-selling single in Earth’s history, no less,  beating previous record holder ‘Candle
 in The Wind’ into second place finally this week after 37 years !   

Beach Boys News: The band’s classic retrospective ’75 years of Surfing’ has finally been released in the new F24-J format, with a bonus 17 days’ worth of interviews, promos and hidden features – 14 hours’ worth of which is previously unreleased. The disc contains everything the Beach Boys have ever done – from ‘Surfin’ in 1962 right up to last year’s ‘Brian Really Is Back With Us This Time Honest’ single. More news next issue!

Beatle News: It’s been 25 years since we started this website and the Beatles have only missed one week from taking part in our news section. As our regular columnist Paul McCartney told
 us in last week’s issue, celebrations are already being prepared for his hundredth album next year (whod’ve
thought it?), containing lots of re-recordings of old friends and some classic new love songs written for his third wife (they celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary next month!) Ringo continues to tour with his All-stars even though most of the band playing with him are androids of old musicians now (watch out for the John Lennon robot who duets with Ringo on ‘I’m The Greatest’ – those robots are getting more and more life-like all the time). Latest news is that Pineapple (the merged company that runs both the Beatles’ old label and Pinewood Studios) have finally agreed to the Beatles Rock Band 7 computer game – expect lots more classic tracks with a drum tutorial from Ringo himself (wow! He’s even signed some copies for the first time in 25 years – peace and love Ringo!)

Bingo’s Absolute Bedlam: We may have dismissed this band as being a bit of a drunken shambles when they sent us their demo tape in 2026, but this group have come such a long way since. The new release ‘Drunken Dogs’ – Live At the Pub 2034’ is a welcome live retrospective recorded under a special reprieve from the 2012 binge-drinking license laws (which, for those of you who are too sober to remember, brought back prohibition back then, generally seen as a very welcome move!) More from these hound-dogs next week!

Byrds News: The Byrds’ reunion continues to be a success, with android doubles passing for the two missing members. A recent live performance of ‘8 Miles High’ – aboard the Moon space shuttle – is already storming the charts!

Clandusprod News: Our favourite retro group of aliens from the planet Makkroid continue to demonstrate that the recent speciest activity on earth should in no way prevent our appreciation of great music. We may not understand the words (though the hologram diagrams included with every release help), but the music shows how well these Mrasianarts have mastered Earth music circa 1966. We continue to say a big ‘hello!’ to all our audiences on that world and hope the recent intergalactic ‘Presidential mail’ (formally Royal mail before the deposing of the Queen in this country) strike is called off soon so you can get the last 10 years of back issues.

CSN News: Our favourite harmony trio continue to grow in reputation (thanks in part to the high plugging they kept getting on our pages in the early 21st century!) and the AAA can reveal that they will definitely be playing the 65th anniversary of Woodstock, but in the recently-discovered continent of Atlantis rather than the old country of America which is now sadly too polluted for mass use. Expect special sets by the re-formed Country Joe and the Clandusprods and Ten Years After, Sixty Years On to follow.

The Ewok Ninjas News: Hey come on guys, stop refusing to take my phone calls and my interstellar particle downwaves – I made you the stars you are today, remember! (Surely you all remember the famous first single ‘I live in an AAA closet’, classic psychedelia that it is!) Big headed three headed creeps – after the 20 years of pluggi
ng their records I did too! 

Great Mental Torment News: At last, a decent album from the fiery fifty-somes choir with the release of their new record ‘I wanna time travel back to the 60s’. The bright shiny green-ray disc is a sort of parallel history of all the music made in that decade, with songs written in the style of the early rock and roll surf records right through to the psychedelia era and ending with the harmony-fest that was 1969. A veritable AAA classic and the latest album to be side-loaded onto our database (see review no 43957).

Hollies News: I don’t believe it but, after 25 years of nagging, finally EMI have agreed to releasing a proper B-sides compilations of this classic 60s band, capitalising on the sudden interest in the group from the planet Spraxid (where the Hollies are reckoned to better than even the Beatles). A special ‘Earth’ edition is due for release sometime soon so watch this page/hyperspatial time vortex limiter!!!

Human League: Shock announcement! Two members of band The Human League aren’t human and haven’t been for some time! According to recent newspaper reports the two members of the band were sent to the Earth in 1979 from the planet Gwarbleer to, I Quote, ‘Save the 1980s from being the worst musical decade in earth’s history and putting fans off for life’. However, fearful of anti-alien responses, the news has been kept quiet until now. This makes sense to us – at least one of the creators here at the AAA actually comes from Zigorous Three as revealed in issue 1135!

Jefferson Space Shuttle News: The current re-incarnation of Jefferson Airplane continue to grow with the news that they will be re-recording a new version of Paul Kantner’s space opera ‘Blows Against the Empire’ using technology not available to planet earh when the original album was made. ‘I’ve always believed that there was someone out there listening to my music’ said Kantner recently, ‘I just never guessed they’d be able to hear it in intergalactic sound  just 60 years  after I’d written it’.

Kinks News: With so many changes taking place in the 21st century, it’s kind of comforting to know that some things never change. Yep, brothers Ray and Dave Davies have fallen out again over an argument concerning whether the latest Kinks album – Earth Jive – should be available on other worlds. Dave, of course, now lives on the planet Hellosphere, describing it as ‘just like the 60s should have been’, while brother Ray recently moved back to London where, of course, he was elected mayor in 2018.

Max News: ‘Turn he Volume Up To Max – live in Old New York’ is yet another live album from the canine wannabe. Personally I loved the bow-wow hounddog’s first four albums (otherwise he wouldn’t be mentioned
on this list now, would he?), but since then hearing these old hits recycled is a right pain in the thorndulas (and if you don’t know where they are, look it up in the ‘clandusprod A-’ dictionary).

Monkees News: The recent charity single with the Tweenies aside (Hey Hey It’s The Monkees - Are You Ready To Play?!?’), the public have been going ape for the Monkees recently. Just check out the viewing figures for the Monkees’ seventh TV season on BBC 42 – it’s Monkee Mania all over again!

Moody Blues News: New album ‘To Our Grandchildren’s Grandchildren’ is due for release next month, featuring the long-awaited return of the mellotron (borrowed from the ‘rock and roll hall of fame museum’) and all of the band’s original and classic line-up members playing either in person or by hologram. The album is also set to contain the Moodies’ recent version of the Dr Who theme tune (as featured in the series’ run of episodes last year celebrating the show’s 70th anniversary and the special ‘the 12 doctors’).

Oasis: Liam Gallagher’s 65th birthday party was a mess – Noel sat in the corner writing songs for yet another ‘concept album’ the band had in the works while Liam told the paparazzi photographers (outlawed from all social circles except music – expect a court ruling on that sometime next decade, we hope) that they didn’t ‘eat enough meat pies’. Last album ‘standing on the shoulders of clandusprods’ continues to do well in the charts, however.

Pink Flamingos News: The rock chicks from Skelmersdale (led by Ellie, sister
of the AAA’s resident hyperstatial molecular statial temperance floways’ expert Mike) continue to dominate the charts everywhere in the Western spiral of the galaxy. Their latest album features a guest appearance by a giraffe draft excluder on latest single ‘don’t exclude me’ and Mike on backing vocals on covers of Ozzy Osbourne’s ‘Paranoid’ and The Grateful Dead’s ‘China Cat Sunflower’.

Pink Floyd news: Classic album ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ is to be re-recorded – on the dark side of the moon! The band have hired special recording equipment to tape the sounds of the

lunar surface and all five members of Pink Floyd (with android doubles of Rick Wright and Syd Barrett) playing via their space-suits! Expect an MF-99-ER edition coming to you sometime soon!       

Rolling Stones news: Yes, dear readers, this really could be ‘the last time’ for the Strolling Bones as they embark on their 9th ‘farewell tour’ this century. Listen out for the new versions of old Stones classics updated for the tour: ‘119th Nervous Breakdown’ ‘Zimmer Jack Flash’ and ‘She’s Like A Rainbow In the Gamma Quadrent’ Look out too for Keith Richard’s cameo as Jack Sparrow’s great-great-great-great granddad in the re-make of ‘Pirates of the Carrribean 7: Yo Ho Ho and the Barrel of a Gun’ which is due at Cinemas sometime in the Summer.

Simon and Garfunkel News: Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel both returned to Widnes railway station this week to commemorate 70 years since he wrote ‘Homeward Bound’ at the town’s railway station. ‘Things haven’t changed at all in all those years’ the former is reported to have said. ‘I wanted to leave Widnes far behind me and head for home then – and I don’t feel any differently about it now!’

Squirrel Pixies News: We plugged this interesting new group’s third album ‘Gordon Bennett’ quite heavily last year (its review no 39714 if you want to go look it up) and raved about its mix of 1960/70s sounds with politically heavy lyrics about Tony Blair’s years in office (whatever happened to him?!) So imagine our delight when we heard about the Squirrel Pixies’ sequel album ‘Gordon

Brown’. This second concept album will continue where the last CD finished off with yet more revelations about early 21st century politics.

Cat Stevens News: Yusuf Islam’s latest album ‘another another cup’ sees a welcome return to his old sound when the world was young and he still loved his dog. The new CD/hydlesplod-12 release features several songs marking the man’s 68 years in show business updated with a modern twist including ‘Matthew and Son was closed down to make way for a hyperspatial airport terminal’, ‘Morning Has Broken For The Western Spiral Galaxy But Fallen Down A Black Hole’ and ‘Zigorous’ Three Moons’ Shadow’. Released as a deluxe flexi-pack with a genuine hologram cup of tea from the Cat Stevens brewers!

Who News: As Pete Townshend revealed exclusively last week in his AAA column, the ‘orrible ‘oo are to release deluxe deluxe deluxe editions of many of their classic albums. The sets come with oodles of extras including a replica of the Radio Caroline ship for ‘Who Sell Out’, a set of four speakers for ‘Quadrophenia’ and your own mini-concrete monolith for re-enacting the cover to ‘Who’s Next’.

Neil Young News: The AAA have just been told that the ‘Neil Young Archives’ project will definitely be released some time in 2035 (haven’t we been saying that since the 20th century for crying out loud?!?) and will feature over 9 billion of the best tracks from Neil’s 174 solo albums, including the long-awaited follow up to 1970’s ‘Ohio’ – ‘Oddlespingt’ – in honour of the Earth-Sirius atrocities started by Earth explorer William Bush
in his quest for oil in the nebulus galaxy (yes, he really is George Bush’s grandson – says it all, doesn’t it?!)
Zigorous Three vs Earth All-Stars: This charity group contains so many AAA artists among its members that it would be impossible to list them all. Suffice to say that their latest charity singl;e release ‘we are one galaxy and we’re only 8 million light years apart’ is a fantastic slice of psychedelia. Paul McCartney, Paul Simon and Brian Wilson wrote most of the song, with contributions from David Crosby, Cat Stevens and the ghost of Jerry Garcia. Expect an issue in the shop sometime soon!   

Wow, our work here at the AAA-financed ‘TimeForTravel’ PLC even made it into the latest (97th) series of Dr Who with a quip delivered by the 12th Doctor, Anthony Hopkins, in the latest episode ‘The Norman Rising’! Fame at last, which simply goes to show how much the public are beginning to warm to this time-travel thing!

As to all the enquiries we’ve been receiving recently, yes we can confirm that by popular vote in a ‘news, views and music’ poll our first trip back in time will be to the three-day Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 (we decided that would be the safest option as most of the audience there were too stoned to notice a lot of passing time travellers!) We hope to follow this up with trips to the Cavern Club for a Beatles’ show in January 1962, a full three days at the Woodstock Festival of 1969 and the momentous day in 2019 when the Intergalactic Berlinian Wall fell to the Freetrading Alien Unions (gosh, I even remember that one myself! I’m getting old!)

As the AAA is now officially recognised as the 433rd most influential website in the universe (figures: megaalien marketing LTD), we are pleased to announce exclusive access to all readers starting in July. We have 300 seats
available for each trip, with seven trips a week for the next month or so; simply drop us a u-mail (universal mail) at the usual address ( to enter.

We also have a set of time-travelling goody bags to give away (which, as you may remember from last issue, contain a series of music time capsules sent to us unopened by our future selves in 2084 along with the most updated 2080s equipment to play it). Simply answer the following easy question ‘How many Clandusprods does it take to change a lightbulb?’ and send your answer to us at the above address before may 1st at the latest. That means YOU could be the first person in your species to hear how music has progressed (or otherwise) during the next 50 years! Remember, time travel is cooler than a clandusprod at Christmas and YOUR support and contributions make time travel possible. Thanks again!

Dr Zeus (no relation)


ANNIVERSARIES: Happy interstellar overdrive birthdays to the following AAA friends and foes: Ronnie Lane (bassist with the Small faces 1965-68) the original self-claimed ‘April Fool’, born April 1st 1946;  Jimmy Karkright (guitarist with the Squirrel Pixies) born April 5th 2015  and Spencer Dryden (drummer with Jefferson Airplane 1967-70) born April 7th 1938. Anniversaries of events this week: April 4th 1964 saw the Beatles take the first five places in the American top 100 – still a record, 70 years on!; April 6th  2029 saw the first concert by the Pink Flamingos, the same day in 2022 saw the first gold disc by the Austounders for the memorable song ‘Dungarees Are Dangerous’ and finally the same day again sees the key departures of no less than 3 AAA luminaries:  Syd Barrett leaves Pink Floyd in 1968, Pete Quaife leaves The Kinks in 1969 and Quizzar Rosenden leaves The Clandusprods in 2027 (Earth Dating).

Music We’re Currently Grooving To In Brief: New Releases #1
“My Life In Music – The First 100 Releases” (Paul McCartney, Pineapple 4T3-8)

What an up-and-down century Paul McCartney has had. Looking back now, after such greats as ‘Romantic Aversions’, ‘Cloud Cuckoo Land’ and ‘I Was In The Group That Was’ (celebrating 50 years since Sgt Peppers on 1st June 2017) it’s hard to forget how poor Macca’s career once looked, with such poor moves as ‘Flaming Pie’, ‘Chaos and Creation’ and the nadir of Paul’s career, his nursery rhyme version of ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’ (recorded for his great-grandchildren on the 50th anniversary of ‘Mary Had A little Lamb’). That stay in hyperspace really seems to have sorted out Macca’s creative abilities, as did his marriage to his third wife following the ‘lost’ episode that was the Heather Mills debacle (unless you’re a Twice Daily Mail reader of course – they’re the only people still following her career these days). This latest best-of follows the updated edition of ‘All The Best’ which came out in 2020 (and is itself quite old now) and adds plenty of album track favourites from the past 100 LPs or so of Macca’s career. Thankfully the record contract disputes have been resolved and, yes, the three Wings re-union albums are there, sounding as great as ever (Denny Laine’s voice has become even better in the past 50 years) although the android version of Linda still can’t replace the memories that those of us old enough to remember her still cherish. What else to tell you? oh yes, there’s the long awaited reunion with Ringo and George Martin (enticed out of retirement for the first time in…ooh a bout a year I think it is now) for the moving ballad ‘I remember the 20th Century’. In fact, all your favourites are here, all sounding bright and sparkly on their new ‘green-disc’ format, although like many of these new-fangled devices there’s simply too much content here to take in at once (surely 40 tracks chosen from the first 15 years of the century is pushing it a bit far? Ten songs from the five most recent ‘Fireman’ albums are all most welcome though and frankly we could have done with more). Highlights: As ever its ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ and ‘Coming Up’, two of the greatest Macca songs still, even after all these years, and the newer tracks ‘Hyperspace’, ‘Love’s Black Hole’ and ‘The Blue Moon Of Planet Kentucky’. Overall rating: 8/10 or 30 splurgs out of 40 dekcaws. Impressive.

Currently Grooving To #2:

“JustUs” (The Austounders featuring Graham Nash, Atlantic-Rhino 437-596)

Don’t tell me CSNY have split up again! And no, the fact that all four of them now live on separate planets is no excuse! Of course that’s a colossal shame, but the loss of another promising new CSNY release is in many ways mitigated by the third collaborative effort from the 60s harmony giant and these retro 60s modern giants. No harmonies will ever replace those of CSNY but The Austounders come pretty close with a, well, austounding mix of high pitched warble, booming bass and tonal dexterity. Nash would sound right at home wherever he ended up, even on a Spice Girls album (ha! That all seems so long ago now…cripes was it really 40 years and we’re still slagging them off something rotten?!), so its no surprise that he joins in the mix well here.

Highlights include the memorable protest songs ‘Soldiers Of Authrax’ (in tribute to the peace movement on the other side of the galaxy destroyed by William G Bush and his Earth troops), ‘We Ought To Care’ about the extinction of the carrabula plants on the abandoned colony we left on Venus, ‘Yet Another Sleep Song’ – the third, eagerly anticipated ode to lethargy we’ve been waiting for for so long and finally a re-recording of ‘Military Madness’ which makes as much sense now as it did 70 years ago, sadly. This is, overall, an upbeat effort though – how could the ever energetic and enthusiastic Austounders be anything else? – and includes lots of moving songs exploring how humankind is on the brink of an understanding now that he realises there is life elsewhere in the universe and that marvellous day of 2012 when aliens first made interstellar contact with the earth. Best of all, though, has to be the song ‘To The First Whale’, a celebratory sequel to Graham’s ‘To The Last Whale’ praising the success of the endangered species programme on earth. Magical stuff.

Currently Grooving To #3:

“Shouting From The Tyne” (Lulu and Lindisfarne, Qidzon 9-88-7)

The surprise collaboration of the wee Scottish lass from Glasgow and the wee Geordie outfit from Newcastle shows no sign of dying out. And each group offers the other just what they need, with just enough sops to the past (riveting new versions of ‘I’m A Tiger’ and ‘Lady Eleanor’) to complement their new modern style (just check out ‘When I was a Glasgae Shift Worker’, one of the best Lindisfarne songs since

the dearly missed Alan Hull; his android double vainly tries but can never do enough to replace him). We all thought Lindisfarne had called it a day in 2003 but no, it appears they were just in need of a rest (which they had for 10 or so years) – the creation of android musicians must have helped a bit. Lulu’s voice continues to sound young even though she’s a great-great-great-grandmother now – smashing! Highlights include the moving ‘Sunny Nights’, the joyous ‘Back Stage Pass’ and the mandolin-filled ‘Mandolin Queen’. Excellent!

Currently Grooving To #4

“Stoned – the Rolling Stones Live” (Rolling Stones with guest appearance by Roger Daltrey, Decca-Starbucks ST-24-6)

Do we really need yet another live Stones record? Admittedly, this one contains more previously unheard-live tracks than ever before (including the forgotten and unexpected return of ‘Cool Calm and Collected’ from 1967 plus a beautiful version of ‘Gomper’ also from 1967 and ‘Lady Jane Falls Backwards’ from ‘2013’). But is that really an excuse for the – count them – 19 live Stones album? Bah, we fans moaned about ‘Flashpoint’, ‘Stripped’ and ‘No Security’ in the 1990s but that was back when we hadn’t even reached double figures on live stones recordings then.

The undoubted highlight is Who vocalist Roger Daltrey, on holiday from his old band now that Pete Townshend works full time as an AAA column writer, singing the medley ‘My generation Can’t Get No Satisfaction’

which brings back wonderful memories of the Mod reunion in 2031 (perhaps some of you even remember it the first time round?!). Avoid.

Currently Grooving To #5

“Sing The Beatles” (The Spice Girls, Woolworths CDs 8-77-4)

Somehow this hideous album has something of the inevitable about it. Very few sane people collect Spice Girls records now and after the fiasco of the re-united band insisting on writing all their old songs backfired it’s no surprise that the frightful five have turned to the fab four to help shift CDs (no shiny green-ray discs for them!) And yes, its all here. The band completely miss the delicious irony of ‘A hard Day’s Night’, stick a violin solo in ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’, do a rap version of ‘A Day In The Life’ and add a pointless and hurtful diatribe about why we should all kung-fu kick tramps in ‘Eleanor Rigby’ (Posh completely misses the point when she sings ‘ahh look at all the lonely people’ and adds the line ‘let them eat cake so they become fatter than me’). An absolute travesty – we were all so pleased when the old Woolworths chain was resurrected in 2010 but oh what dross they’ve given us in the past 5 years. This is the worst – it can’t get any more excruciating than this. A big fat 0 out of 10.

And we say goodbye to you now with our traditional slot – the top five!!! So here are the top 5 reasons to celebrate living in the 2030s as opposed to the 2000s…

1) We’re all immortal. Say what you will about the un-comfortableness of Clandusprod technology, the Clandu-Earth trade has paid dividends, giving us less to spend worrying about when we’re all going to die and more time enthusing about music collecting (we, of course, gave them Velcro and several classic psychedelia compilations in return!)

2) The internet now connects between 12 of the known galaxies! Yes, if it wasn’t for the civil wars on the planets merg and Heffad all the known planets on our side of the galaxy would be connected, each planet with in-built translators! (Ha I remember when we used to be porud of calling it the ‘worldwide web’ – no it’s the ‘universal web’!)

3) We know we’re not alone in the universe! Ever since that wonderful day when a Zigorous Three Alien arrived on top of the White House and announced ‘take me to your leader…no, not one of the Bush family, I’ve heard rumours about them!’ mankind has put his petty problems behind him and joined together in harmony. Well, everywhere apart from Wales.

4) We get to holiday on Mars! Well, so the people at travelsphereus keep telling us – the terra-forming is going well apparently and it should only be a matter of days now before our first earth colony gives the all-clear!

5) We now have more music to collect than ever before!!!!
Bye for now – see you in May 2034!!!!

A complete collection of April Fool’s Day Columns (Plus Other Bits and Pieces):

#1 (published 2009, set in 2034):

#4 ('Swedish Elizabethan' edition, published 2012, set in a timeless universe):

#5 ('Max's Space Museum' edition, published 2013, set in 7114):

#6 (Max's Scrapbook' edition, published 2014 set in 2099): and

#7 ('Multiverse with famous authors writing for the AAA' edition, published and set in 2015)

#8 ('The Story and Discography of Pixie Drainpipe', published 2016, set in 5838)

#9 (‘All Hail President Bingo!’, published 2017, set in 2020)

#10 (‘Spice Up Your Life!!!’,  published and set in 2018)

#11 (‘Brexit Maxit and Farewell’, published 2019, set in 2029)

Every Single AAA Studio and Solo Release in Chronological Order: